It's been weeks since I've gone into his room. A hiatus from the reminders. Dust collects as time passes. Things undisturbed. Much the same way since the night he was called home. His room still smells like him. I close my eyes to remember. I miss him so. How does a life continue when your child, your hope and future are torn from you? How do the steps move with the ebb and flow when there is a deep chasm in your aching soul. Elijah was God's child. He was never mine to keep. Children are a gift from the ... View Post
A Love That Transcends Any Hollywood Attempt
Another year has passed. It would have been my parents 48th Anniversary. I call my dad. I don't say anything about the day. I just want to hear his voice. The voice that once steadied me now needs my assurance. He misses me and wonders when I can come visit. I wonder too. It seems the edge I once had has diminished. The trip MA done in a day or several times a month. The thought, now, fills me with dread. My thoughts drift back to last year and since this is a month of remembering. I am re-posting last years thoughts. I am still writing reports. Still working on book work. The beat ... View Post
Show Me How What I Wanted Isn’t Best For Me
It was Early Sunday Morning his Spirit left his earthly body. In the wee hours. While the night was still dark. While I slept. My boy left this earth. The shock of those days have lessened. They still fill me with a sickening feeling when I think of them. There is much I still do not know about that time. I can't. It was Sunday morning when the heaven's declared God's majesty. Oh how our hearts ache. We long for this to be a bad dream. I want something I can never have. Each morning I wrestle with the knowledge that Elijah will never ... View Post
Re-posting This Day Last Year. . . Sometimes Looking Back Helps With The Steps Forward
This is a re-post from last year on this day. Sending prayers of gratitude for the hands that have held us and continue to shower us with grace. Being a Giver. . .it is Hard to Receive The rhythm of the routine continues. There is hay down and baling to be done. Cows are up in milk and the management needs care and detail. It's the detail that makes the difference. It's what makes you stand out. Caring about the tiniest details brings you closer to your goal. Details may mean success or ruin for us. Those details seem hard. But they are ingrained in ... View Post
And. . . He’s Off
He's heading off to college this morning. Elijah's friend. Ditching Marines for the Army. On an ROTC scholarship. So stinking proud of him. There is a dance of fine emotion in my being. A reminder of how much I miss my son. Yet, a glimpse into the goodness of God. I will pray for this young man and wait with great expectation to see where God will lead him. I will miss his "stop ins." Though they have become less frequent. I will continue to pray for the young people heading back to school. They have been ... View Post
Remembering The Promise
The wind blows. It stirs me awake. I want to snuggle down and stay in bed. Some days I don't want to get up. This is one. I sigh under the weight of remembering. I fling my thoughts heavenward. I get coffee. This life is hard. The darkness hovers now; earlier. My favorite time of year. I want to see beauty yet marred by deep sadness. Plans are hard to make. So much clutters my mind. Time marching forward. Moving further and further from the accident. Further from my son. Yet ... View Post
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