It was Early Sunday Morning his Spirit left his earthly body. In the wee hours. While the night was still dark. While I slept. My boy left this earth. The shock of those days have lessened. They still fill me with a sickening feeling when I think of them. There is much I still do not know about that time. I can't. It was Sunday morning when the heaven's declared God's majesty. Oh how our hearts ache. We long for this to be a bad dream. I want something I can never have. Each morning I wrestle with the knowledge that Elijah will never ... View Post
Keep Our Wicks Trimmed And Burning
I stood in the field and watched. Lanterns to remember. His classmates gathered together. Remembering. Prayers taking flight. Each lantern rose higher and higher. Lights dotting the already starlit night. I wanted to reach out and somewhere find him in the group. I longed to see him. Missing him deeply. Each lantern aglow, floating heavenward. Beauty. Peace. As I gazed around, I wondered, how many know that soul searching peace? Two men, sons taken before them. Stepping together through the fiercest of times. We ... View Post
The Anchor Holds
The day dawned. I stood on the porch; not wanting to be awake. Odd for me. The sun rose to meet me. Much like a year ago. The same sky. The same God. The world just a little older. The vastness of the Universe running through my mind. How Great is our God. Sing with me how great is our God. (Chris Tomlin How Great is our God It's not because of what He's done, but because of who He is. I can not fathom the why. I need to live in the, "what now". There is a life time of living still to be ... View Post
I Said Yes, When Every Ounce Of Me Wanted To Shout, “No!”
I choke back the real answer I want to give. I hold my emotions in reserve. Every ounce of me wants to shout, "No!" She wants to go to the drive in with her friends. She needs money. Another night spins in my head. I didn't want him to go. I asked him not to go. I give her the money. I make popcorn and put it in a bag. I want her to be small again. I want to bathe them all and read stories while they all fight for a space on my lap. I want to pray and hear their gratefulness for the day. And then I want to ... View Post
Where Do You Go When You Can’t Leave?
The wind howls. It's vet check. Robinson's come to fill the tenant house with fuel.. This winter won't quit. Separating cows to be dried off seems like such an ominous task when the wind steals your breath and your fingers feel numb. . . at the end of March. How do you maintain any kind of a positive attitude when the sun doesn't shine and the icy gusts chill to the bone? Many leave. They leave Vermont for warmer weather. They head out on vacation. If our hired help situation was different, we too would join the throngs headed to a tropical ... View Post
We Were Created For More
I gaze at the pictures on the wall. I sometimes wonder if I should take them down. Everywhere I look there are signs of Elijah. And there should be. He was still living. He had no intention of meeting Jesus on July 28. He was expecting to go to a shooting match and then live the rest of his life. He was going to boot camp and we would celebrate his birthday. I was going to write letters to him and fly to South Carolina for his graduation from Boot Camp. But he never made it home. His bed remained empty. And now my heart is ... View Post
