I don't get up early to milk. As a matter of fact, my farmer prefers that I not be up at that hour. Really. I tried getting up with him and my father in law. I thought I would help. There came a time when they begged me not to help. I am one of those people that can not function with out sleep. Ask my college room mates. While everyone was gathering in the living room for LA Law. I was hopping into my nice, comfy bed. It is still my greatest desire all day; to head to bed. The earlier the better. There are some days that I bail. Yup. Bail on the day. Like, at 7:00. And I ... View Post
Time Marches On
Her future. Before her. So exciting. Student accepted day. College. Questions. Trying to decide. Which school is the best. All this. When it's been 20 months. 20 months since he last drew a breath. 20 months since our world seemed right. And now she, my daughter, on the edge of the beginning. The emotions swirl. Torment, yet excitement. I can not forsake one because my heart longs for the other. The speed increases. My mind can not keep ... View Post
A re-posting of: What You Are Unprepared For
These are words I typed out in the dark of the night this day last year. A heart longing for direction in the midst of grief. A heart that still longs to hear the voice of God. A heart still longing for the pieces to be placed back in the fragile shattered heart. September 10, 2013 What You Are Unprepared For What do you do with the book you find; given to Elijah from Nana on the event of Clarissa's birth? For a moment your heart skips. . .and you are brought back to that day. You can hear the sounds. You can hear your moms voice. You can see your sons excitement ... View Post
There Is Always Choice
The slide show plays. Each picture a memory of the week gone by. The gospel shared. Summer Bible Camp. Not Vacation Bible School anymore. Somehow "school" has a negative connotation. Kids in other countries look for sponsors and live to go to school. But here in America school brings negative thoughts. But that is another post. The slide show plays. I have not helped at all this week. There were so many pieces to the week, there was no way I could be there. I watch each picture. The sadness descends like ... View Post
A Gift, We Hope, Will Keep On Giving
I walk into the auditorium. They are setting up for Honors Night. I feel the weight of grief. I stagger against the emotion. This is so hard. Each event tormenting in some way. I hand them the envelope. An envelope filled with a portion of a communities' generosity. It's been a year since we watched our red headed boy walk across the stage and receive the Music Department Award. He wasn't going to college. So there were no scholarships. He was going to serve His country. Now he resides with the King of Kings. In ... View Post
Pushing Regret Out The Door
It was Prom. Such a beautiful evening. Sunshine. Excitement. Anticipation. Beauty. Each moment a gift to be treasured. Because you never know when they may be gone. I ask for one thing. A family picture; from Prom. I have none from the boy. A regret. A request I make. And this is what I get. I love it. Always room for a giggle. Somehow there is always a space though. I don't know how it works. In the center. A hole. A hole in my heart that ... View Post
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