I'm pretty sure I took no pictures. I don't have a camera and my cell phone has too many photos. I felt off the whole day. Most of the day I really wanted to be alone. Me; the extrovert. Alone. I watched endless episodes of "Gilmore Girls"; not stopping until I looked at my watch, horrified that it was past the time to go to bed. The house; a wreck. I hardly picked up a thing. I go to bed with an empty feeling. It's not until the morning, when I walk out into the living room and survey the ... View Post
She’s Growing Up And I Am Powerless to Stop It
She flashes those baby blues. She is beautiful. She has grown inches over the past year. All the kids have. Death and cancer have that effect. Her tender heart still unsure. Her writing reflecting her struggle. She turns 12 today. Her last year before the teens. And I marvel at how she has grown. How this little baby born on one of the holiest of nights, has turned into a lovely young woman. Her smile lights up a room. She is the first to snuggle of all our kids. Her ... View Post
We Need To Be About The Business Of Turning. Is Your Soul Up To The Challenge? I Dare You. Day # 15 of Thankfulness
Most days I do not want to be thankful for anything. I want to step into the pit that says woe is me and stay there. I want to let the pain over take me. Each day is work. Work to surrender. It is a conscious effort to step toward the holy each day. I wake. I remember. I hand it all over. It is the way of the morning; before my feet touch the ground. (even before coffee-some things need to be done without coffee) All my thoughts, all my desires surrendered. . . an emptying. Even before I get out of bed. Each ... View Post
Are you Having A Hard Time Expecting Anything Good? Yeah, Me Too Day #13 of Thankfulness
We spend the day at the hospital. Faces familiar now. Routines established. We wait. Somehow, I have become numb to this process. I tried not to think about it. . . at all. I didn't pray. Honestly. I couldn't. I didn't want my hopes to be dashed. Yet. I didn't step into fear either. I am not sure which is better? The cliff of the ache is just out of reach and I don't want to be on the edge anymore. The burn that has been my constant friend has lightened in my heart. So, when test day came, I chose silence. I ... View Post
A Cold Bedroom Day #7 Of Thankfulness
Posting from the archives today. Remembering we are beautiful." God makes beautiful things out of the dust. . . out of us. "(Gungor) I pray your Thankful journey is rich and changing you. I have learned a few things over the years about not heating the bedroom: 1. I don't need a wine cellar. It's the perfect temperature. 2. Oil of Olay does not contain water. 3. Oil of Olay does not freeze. 4. Oil of Olay Moisturizer hurts to put on when it is 52 degrees 5.This is not an add for Oil of Olay 6. Never put your clothes on in the bedroom unless you have warmed them first. 7. ... View Post
The Deep Down Work of Gratitude Day #3 of Thankfulness
It is a song played during communion. I recognize it right away. The memory swept out from the dark corner. I close my eyes and I am there. Listening to the praise video the kids listened to. Praying for their little souls. My heart constricts with the memories. The music continues on. "I lay all of my burdens down at your feet." Oh how I miss my son. "And anytime, I don't know, what to do. I will Cast all my cares Upon You." Years of praying for my children. A desire to see them grow. Bend their knee to the One who gave us life. I squeeze my eyes shut. To the ... View Post
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