So much of my daily journey takes me back to last year. How I felt. So much I do not remember. So much is still stuck vividly in my mind. This post echoes the cry of my heart. This week I have felt weary and worn. But we are holding on. Clinging to the rock that is higher than I. Dear God, I find myself in a deep place today. My first thoughts are usually to bring praise and Glory to your name. It is the habit established for more than 20 years now. My first thoughts when my eyes flutter open are to praise you. . .no matter how I feel. Today. . .I opened my eyes and ... View Post
A re-posting of: What You Are Unprepared For
These are words I typed out in the dark of the night this day last year. A heart longing for direction in the midst of grief. A heart that still longs to hear the voice of God. A heart still longing for the pieces to be placed back in the fragile shattered heart. September 10, 2013 What You Are Unprepared For What do you do with the book you find; given to Elijah from Nana on the event of Clarissa's birth? For a moment your heart skips. . .and you are brought back to that day. You can hear the sounds. You can hear your moms voice. You can see your sons excitement ... View Post
Do They Sing Happy Birthday In Heaven?
It's another year. Your birthday. I miss you. You'd be turning 19. You've spent your 18th and now 19th birthday in heaven. Away from me; away from your family- but present with the Lord. What I wouldn't give to celebrate with you. My heart so desperately wants this to be different. To have you here. With us. I won't dance a mother's dance at your wedding. But we'll share a wedding feast some day; grander than anything this earth could provide. Some days the ache is so great I literally propel myself ... View Post
Do You Ever Cry Happy/Sad Tears?
Dwelling In Beulah Land Let the stormy breezes blow, their cry cannot alarm me; I am safely sheltered here, protected by God's hand: Here the sun is always shining, here there's naught can harm me, I am safe forever In Beulah Land. The strains of the third verse echo in this beautiful church. The words wash over me. He is safely sheltered here. . . protected by God's hand. The sun is always shining. . . naught can harm him. He's dwelling in Beulah Land. Elijah is safe from harm. My boy; naught ... View Post
As Time Passes
It's been weeks since I've gone into his room. A hiatus from the reminders. Dust collects as time passes. Things undisturbed. Much the same way since the night he was called home. His room still smells like him. I close my eyes to remember. I miss him so. How does a life continue when your child, your hope and future are torn from you? How do the steps move with the ebb and flow when there is a deep chasm in your aching soul. Elijah was God's child. He was never mine to keep. Children are a gift from the ... View Post
Show Me How What I Wanted Isn’t Best For Me
It was Early Sunday Morning his Spirit left his earthly body. In the wee hours. While the night was still dark. While I slept. My boy left this earth. The shock of those days have lessened. They still fill me with a sickening feeling when I think of them. There is much I still do not know about that time. I can't. It was Sunday morning when the heaven's declared God's majesty. Oh how our hearts ache. We long for this to be a bad dream. I want something I can never have. Each morning I wrestle with the knowledge that Elijah will never ... View Post
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