I stand still in the kitchen. I have cried out to God most of the day. I am tired of cancer. I am tired of missing my son. My soul is unsettled and I long for peace. So I stand. In the kitchen that I hardly use any more. Meals continue to come. I have little to offer. My soul weary from the battle. So I stand. It is quiet. I breathe deep. I sense the presence of God. The peace that passes all understanding surrounds me. For a moment the cancer is gone, the sting of death is appeased. I stand for a moment ... View Post
It Is What Is Unseen, That Makes You Stronger
It is still dark. The rhythm of the day beginning. The sound of the washer and dryer. The beat of the pressing. Dishes, book work, school. Chores. Cold. The milk pump has been running for hours. Soon to have completed it's cycle. The feeding begun. Calves fed. My farmer begins the last full week of radiation. The routine to change; again. This is a change we will embrace. One we will anticipate. But yet, there is still the waiting. The waiting for the toxic cocktails and radiation to complete their work. Long after the ... View Post
I Don’t Have A Typical To Do List
This day. It is new. There is laundry and dirt. There is an abundance of clutter, paper work and dishes. There is financial stress, farming chores and broken equipment. There is still cancer and the searing pain of the loss of a child. Today marks 3 years for another family and the loss of their son. A Classmate of Elijah's. A name read at Graduation. The emotion so overwhelming we clapped and cried, remembering. For a long time. A life cut short by his own hand. I remember the feeling. . . how can you lose a child? How ... View Post
His Stocking is Empty, But the Manger Isn’t; Finding Christmas Joy
His stocking is empty. The stocking I made to match with our farm boy. A stocking I have filled for 17 precious years. Stockings that were 4 and then became 8 and this year would have been 9. But after 17 years. It is empty. It hangs limp, while all the others burst from the seams; awaiting their precious owners. But it's not about the stockings, or the tree. It's not about the presents; but His presence. And as I stepped outside this morning, the heavens declared their Majesty. The moon and the stars in all their bright, glory rang out the song that, Jesus is ... View Post
To Despair is to Turn Your Back on God. . . Day #9 of Thankfulness
To despair is to turn your back on God. -Marilla Cuthbert Anne of Green Gables If I despair. Not only do I turn my back on God but I take away the hope that he has promised. Will I only take the good in this life and not the bad? Though it seems like the bad has tipped the scales. But has it? Who am I to decide what is enough? John 16:33 I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have ... View Post
Pumpkins. . . They Can Leave You Undone. . .
Pumpkins. Who knew? Who knew pumpkins would drive me to my knees. I tell my friend that once again I am not in the running for mother of the year. We did not grow pumpkins this year. Nor have I bought any. We were headed to get some last Thursday. Some apples too. But instead we got a call to go and welcome baby Lilah. So, no pumpkins. Just a wee little pumpkin seed to hold. I move through the day making chicken and biscuits with mashed potatoes for more than 20 people. It is my last night to host the Youth Bible ... View Post
