It is the afternoon and I am restless. I get this way sometimes. The enormity of the loss overpowering. I just don't want to think. I pray and remember the promises; God will never leave us nor forsake us. But the afternoon threatens to engulf. So I head to the barn to see (Ahem, supervise) those boys. They have so much finished in one day. Probably because they don't stop. I asked if they were coming in for lunch and they were all like, as my son says, "I ain't got time for that." So, I send food up to them. And then I head to check on them. The ... View Post
A Promise That Will Never Be Broken
She meets me at the door, as I enter church. I haven't seen her in so long. She hugs me tight and we cry. She so young, with babies growing. Together we share the silent pain of miscarriages, me but one. . .she many. But this new pain; I carve a new path. What do you say? How can you express in words the fear every parent lives with; the one no one wants to endure. She hugs me tight as we cry. The service is beautiful. The first Sunday in Advent, the reminder of the Promise. A service of dedication; a young mom and dad dedicating their 2 boys before the ... View Post
Advent: A Season of Waiting and Preparation
When you're in the middle of Advent and you're waiting; longing for Christs return. Longing for anything other than this path. Sometimes the pain is so searing it leaves me dizzy. The magnitude of the loss overpowering. Gary plays a message on his phone and it rips my heart right open wide. His voice. Oh, how I miss it. I knew his voice. I recognized it. I knew his step on the stair. These things a mama knows. And when those things are taken away - ripped right away from this life, it leaves you reeling and teetering for something to grasp. Because the hurt and pain of this world cuts like a ... View Post
The Future That Really Matters. . .Day #30 of Thankfulness
I walk out of the bedroom to start my coffee. There are sleeping bags all over the living room. I pick up the pot and plug it in the bathroom so not to disturb anyone. I have a blondie in my bed who had a headache in the middle of the night. I start the laundry and fold a load while I wait for the coffee. My phone is plugged in, in the middle of the sea of sleeping bags. I don't dare disturb them. I wander to the parlor, I open the door and there is another sea of sleeping bags. I head back to my room. I hope the blondie stays sleeping. There are sleeping bags in 2 of the rooms ... View Post
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