I start complaining before I open my eyes. The birds are so loud. My shoulder hurts. It's burning. I need Advil. I need coffee. I need the Ancient Word. But that means I have to get up. I am so bone weary tired. I need coffee; (I think I have already mentioned that) which I didn't prepare like I usually do. Because I was so tired. I just want to sleep in; have no agenda for the day. No cows, calves to feed, milking, haying, laundry, book work, rides, school, schedules. I roll over. I usually wake ... View Post
The Farm Boy Left Behind
He loves to be out doors. Always has. He'd cry when the farmer was heading out. We'd strategize how long he could stay outside. When his nap should be. Often it was taken with a grease rag pillow; somewhere in the tractor. Wanting to be with his father. Longing to be close to the earth. Now he races tracks on this land. He tills and toils and lifts and creates, Jumps and turns. It exhausts him. He pushes his muscles and expends the relentless energy. So committed. Yet, still so ... View Post
Behold, He Comes
The video plays. The tears come. The ache deep within. Oh how I miss him. I listen to the drums. His style soft and enjoyable. The song plays. Behold He Comes. He would come. He would take my first born. And He would come again and take my second born. In the early hours of the morning. He would come. My farmer and I talk. Sometimes we feel like we're just living, waiting for Christ to return. We're so done with being here. . . on this earth. The pain excruciating. Everything feeling out of whack. Is this how all ... View Post
We Yield, He Works, We Rest
Do you stumble out of bed? Is there a longing to pull the sheets over your head and wish the day would go away? I do. The desire to sink into quiet, no schedules, sleep past 5:30, rise to greet me. I always feel the need to be moving. I have to be accomplishing something. Yet somehow I feel as if nothing is ever done. I am just treading water. I stare into the fog this morning wanting to roll over and just shut it all out. I don't want to feel, or work through the day. I have an early morning meeting, the kids school ... View Post
When Words Fail
For the first time in months. The words don't come. For the past 312 days I have written every morning or evening. The words flow. Cathartic in their way. An outpouring of my soul. The anguish of my heart worked through. But today the words don't come. It has been a hard few days. The missing great. The coming to the close of another year. Reliving each of those events. Longing for the boy we celebrated. Knowing next year we will walk the Senior road again. So many emotions vacillating. Thoughts in a jumble. Heart aching. There are new beginnings. Life is marching ... View Post
Even In the Storm. . . There Is A Promise
The rain falls. Heavy at times. Keeping rhythm on the tin roof. Drip. Drip. Drip. The beat of a drum. Constant and steady. A sound I miss dreadfully. The missing heavy. Deep within; the longing. I shut my eyes to listen. To the sounds. Grief sneaks up silently. Catches you unaware. It is all around. It is rent a Senior Day. How can it be a year? It seems like yesterday. So funny. So missed. There is no way around this pain. It hurts. It stinks. No matter how I try to shake off the pain. We step forward. Trusting, ... View Post
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