We have turned the clocks back an hour. So easy. Just turn the knob, press a button. Boom. It's finished. We gain an hour. Just like that. Oh, how I long for one more hour. Yet, I think, if I knew; if I knew I had only one hour left with Elijah, would it have changed anything? My mom just left the earth in December. We knew she was dying. We begged the Lord to take her. We told her we loved her over and over. We told her it was o.k. to leave. And it was. It wasn't really, but it was. She had lived a good life-too short in my book. (Though the definition of too short ... View Post
Grace at the door. . .Day # 4 of Thankfulness
He stood at the door. A young woman by his side. There were tears in his eyes. He was struggling to find the words. I let him have his space. He said he was sorry it's taken him so long to come. He was in the Marine Poolee Group with Elijah. He too, in the Delayed Entry Program. I recognized him after a few moments. He was also a classmate of Elijah's. I also knew the young lady he was with. A cousin. Her Grandpa the fiddle player in the band Gary played in. He was leaving at 1:00 p.m. for Boot Camp at Parris Island. He had wanted to come and see us. One of the last things he ... View Post
Hope, Where Do You FInd It?. . . .Day #3 of Thankfulness
I love to hear the rain on the tin roof. There is something so soothing. I have fond memories of sitting with Chelsea on the porch. Reading stories, listening to the summer storms. One night, when she was little, we slept outside, on the porch. It was so much fun. It was so cold in the morning. Her daddy had headed to the barn, so it was just the two of us to keep warm. All the kids love the rain on the roof. When I was pregnant with Eleanor; Gary, Elijah and Cedric carried the TV and VCR up to the hay mow and we watched a movie up there. This was ... View Post
Now He Has Perfect Sight. . . Day #2 of Thankfulness
I climb into bed. I am so tired. My spirit is deflated. The house is a mess. There is food on the counter. The floors have not been mopped in 3 months. There really is not a counter or table top that is not covered in clutter. My mind is cluttered. I know it. I can feel it. I have shifted my gaze. It is easy to do; when things get tough. When it's hard to breathe; we tighten our grip. We tense. And in those moments, I have taken my eyes off the One who is the only source of strength I ... View Post
30 days of Thankfulness
The Halloween festivities are over. The candy hidden away from other siblings. Clarissa is still out. I climb the stairs to kiss the girls goodnight. I linger at his door. I look around. How does it come to this? How can I be left to carry on? Oh how I miss him. My child, my son. I gaze at his airsoft guns. The clothes still not put away. His motorcycle jacket and helmet. The ache remains embedded in my heart. I think of all the mom's whose children have gone before them. I can hardly pray. It is more a groan.I turn and walk down the hall to ... View Post
Waiting. . .How Well Do We Do It?
It is 6:00 a.m when we leave the house. It is still dark. I pray while we drive. Trying to calm the churning. I stare at the wall behind the bed. It is a familiar wall. They must be similar in each place. I hold Gary's hand. I close my eyes, I see the wall behind mom's bed. All the tubes and machines. I am holding her hand. Much smaller than my farmers. A beautiful hand with long nails, that even as life slipped away, she had manicured. Always on her own. Very few professional manicures in her life. I linger in the memories for a moment. But they are still ... View Post
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