When your son’s friend stops over for a visit, it may leave you undone.
It might also make your heart swell with remembering.
The Thursday before Mother’s Day he comes to the door.
I didn’t know he was in town and he stopped over.
My mama’s heart weeps.
I weep that both his mama and our oldest farm boy call heaven their home.
Both missed so deeply.
Both gone way too soon.
There was much for them both to do and say.
Now.
They know what we only see dimly.
I Corinthians 13:12
For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face.
Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
The tears flow freely as I think how blessed I am.
With all the things this young man has to do he swings over to say, “Hi”.
The ache of the loss of a child is so deep and so raw.
Most days we stand strong and walk the day with purpose and grace.
The ache ever present, yet sometimes I can barely breathe with the weight of the grief.
The sun shines warmly.
I watch as the young man leaves.
He’s about to embark on a life long journey of love.
He’ll walk down the aisle and exchange vows to last a life time.
His future spread before him.
Waiting.
The contrast is not missed on me.
A son without his mother.
A mother without her son.
The twist of life is cruel.
By itself.
Yet when you step to the beat of the Maker’s drum the twist becomes a gateway.
His plan and path twisting with purpose.
A way being made.
I hold on to this truth as I watch him drive away.
He’s moving away from the area.
I’m not sure when our paths will cross again.
Another sign of life moving. . . on. . .
Part of grief is walking through these moments.
I can let it destroy me.
It would be so easy.
The ache so deep.
But that is not God’s desire.
He has given His children all we need to walk the path we are on.
The sun shines and I rest in the joy of this young man’s future before him.
I let myself remember the times he and my farm boy played and laughed and made memories.
I remember that young boy’s mother and her infectious smile, loving ways, honest faith and care for this earth.
Each day the signs of Spring are showing.
More buds, delirious smells of Spring flowers.
Shades of green and warm breezes.
I choose to live.
I choose to put my faith in the hands of a loving and merciful God.
I choose to rest in His care.
I enjoy reading your blog. I feel your pain through your words even though I have not lost a child. I relate to you as your oldest is the same age as my 3rd son and stepson. I will never forget the day of hearing YOUR news. It hit me. Hard. Even though we’ve never met. I felt your pain as a mom of 4. I have written to you before about the connection. I do have experienced watching one of my son’s struggle with addiction. He’s in recovery. I hold onto the day. For tomorrow isn’t promised. Not for anyone. We have recently moved from the City of South Burlington to “God’s Country” (as my husband and I refer to it) in Underhill. We can see Camel’s Hump and the Adirondack’s from our front porch. It’s peaceful. Calms the body. Calms the mind. We are so blessed. Prior to our move, my husband was diagnosed with Prostate Cancer. He had surgery in January. He is under active surveillance every 3 months. I can’t allow my thoughts “to go THERE”. The place where nobody wants to “go”. Today. I sit on my front porch enjoying my flowers. Relishing in the amazing views God has provided us. Yes. We are blessed. Even with that “C” word. We are very blessed. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. It never gets old.