I don't want to leave. I want curl up by the fire with my coffee and read. I want to hold that sweet Lilah and listen to her coo. I want to bake or do anything than deal with cancer and living without our son. I pack the bag to have ready. Snacks, water. The bag a dear friends thought about to meet our needs. It will be a long day. Radiation and chemo. . .every Friday. The kids are coming. They will see the radiation and infusion areas. I prepare for their questions and the impending side effects. The nurses assure us, this will be the week. He is far enough in. I have ... View Post
Grace That Visits Your Door, When Your Heart Is Breaking On Christmas Day
I don't want to say we made it through the day. But we did. How do you celebrate Christmas with your 17 year old son buried deep beneath the winter snow? How do you breathe in and out missing a part of you? How do you look at stockings and open presents; when your heart is shattered into a millions fragments. My boy is gone. And I miss him so much. But he has gone where Angels trod. The same Angels that proclaimed the birth of the Most High, The same Angels that declared that He is Risen. His work finished, here on this ... View Post
The Future That Really Matters. . .Day #30 of Thankfulness
I walk out of the bedroom to start my coffee. There are sleeping bags all over the living room. I pick up the pot and plug it in the bathroom so not to disturb anyone. I have a blondie in my bed who had a headache in the middle of the night. I start the laundry and fold a load while I wait for the coffee. My phone is plugged in, in the middle of the sea of sleeping bags. I don't dare disturb them. I wander to the parlor, I open the door and there is another sea of sleeping bags. I head back to my room. I hope the blondie stays sleeping. There are sleeping bags in 2 of the rooms ... View Post
Great is Thy Faithfulness, Even when Trusting is Hard
Great is Thy Faithfulness. Psalm 46:10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” We are to be still. Even when our hearts are breaking. Even when Saturday nights leave me undone. Re-living each moment. Not wanting the other kids to be out. I am stepping into fear. And forgetting to trust. 139:13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. He knows us. He created us. I ... View Post
Is Your Heart in a Delicate Balance Today?
It is a delicate balance for my weary heart. To embrace the joy that comes with new life. .. yet still longing for the one called home too soon. . . Oh be still my aching heart. Quiet the desire to see my son. Help me turn to praise; hold at bay the yearning. Turn it all to Jesus. Take from me the hurt. I surrender it all. God your presence is all I need. Be still the desire to hear the drums. . . Be still. Psalm 46:10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the ... View Post
The Juxtaposition of Life And Death, Welcome Lilah Rose
New life. It has been six years since we wrote this post. This beautiful Farmette is now turning six and in Kindergarten. She is a joy and a reminder of beauty from the ashes. She is hope and sunshine. She is the future and grace all wrapped together. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- October 24, 2013 It is the middle of the day. I am at the grocery store doing a full shopping for the first time. My phone rings. It is Adam, our son in law. It is 12:43 p.m. I feel warm and peaceful inside. The first time in almost 3 ... View Post