How can you miss someone when they are physically still here? How can your heart ache so deeply and long for what once was? The memory thief pulls and tugs until there is but a shell. A shell of the person that once was. The strength; staunch independence now shadowed. How cruel it seems to watch. How twisted the path. We are powerless to stop the movement. Helpless to change. Yet we are not without hope. Hope that one day all this torment will be gone. The day when sweet reunions are fulfilled. When pain ... View Post
Fanning The Flame
I couldn't keep the flame going. I wanted to light a candle. I found a match. I lit it from the gas stove. The flame would not stay lit. I had to cradle it. Protect the flame until the candle was lit. We are the light of the world. A city on a hill. Matthew 5:14 You are the light of the world-- like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden We need to protect our flame. It is so easily extinguished. Keep the flame burning. The winds of the times blow and the flame flickers until it is gone. The flame is a fragile ... View Post
Sometimes, What We’re Given, Is Not What We Want. Can You Relate?
He cracks a joke. His eyes twinkle. He doesn't smile. He doesn't have to; his eyes always have. He participates in a discussion. He prays. My farmer is feeling better. A weight beginning to lift. Even for a moment. His walk with the Joy Thief long. He has continued to climb those walls; doing the hard work. Nothing will ever be the same. But having a piece of him back is exhilarating. I miss his handlebar mustache. A different thief at work. Radiation and Chemo stealing unknown fragments along the way. Sometimes we don't ... View Post
Waiting; The Farming Way
It's raining. Again. We really could use a little precipitation. The grass will green up quickly. We are running short on feed. With the new calculations it looks like we have 10 days of feed left. 10 days left of the harvest that held our son. His hand in the work. The final pieces of summers bounty, ending. Another piece to the puzzle. Another added expense. I watch my farmer husband as he shares the news. We need feed. He doesn't react. Years of volatility in this business have hardened him to ... View Post
The Question That Begs An Answer
The doctor asks my farmer, "What do you like to do?" And I watch my farmer. He doesn't know. Right now, he hates farming. There are aspects he used to enjoy. Maybe even love. A deep satisfaction. Now, it produces stress. Reminders of a beloved red headed farm boy; heading to the Marines. He used to play music. . . we both did. Kids and life got in the way. I start to think. What do I like to do? I used to love to teach. It is in my blood. But with 6 children, a farm, a home, working out became impossible. My career shifted to domestic ... View Post
Unexpected Quiet; Seeking Lessons in Lent
I hear the quiet. It is not a familiar sound. I fight to fill the void. This old farmhouse echoes with laughter and "busyness" most of the time. But for the moment it is quiet. The laundry, dishes, bills and getting ready for church vie for first place. The farmer rests. His evening sleep often interrupted by the demon of worry and anxiousness spinning tales while his body seeks rest. Even when you know where you are going; worry can still get you. John 14:2-3 In my Father's house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And ... View Post
