I fear complacency. I fear a haughty heart in the face of a holy God. Obedience calls. But to what? The way is so unclear. The future looming. The days unknown. Weariness creeps in slowly. A heart pressed in on all sides. Reaching through to the joy. Yet, veiled by grief. Where do we go from here? What is the calling? The immediate rushes. I long for relief. I breathe slowly. Time to slow the pace. There is no way to the other side, but through, this journey. Psalm 23:4 Yea, though I ... View Post
Even In the Storm. . . There Is A Promise
The rain falls. Heavy at times. Keeping rhythm on the tin roof. Drip. Drip. Drip. The beat of a drum. Constant and steady. A sound I miss dreadfully. The missing heavy. Deep within; the longing. I shut my eyes to listen. To the sounds. Grief sneaks up silently. Catches you unaware. It is all around. It is rent a Senior Day. How can it be a year? It seems like yesterday. So funny. So missed. There is no way around this pain. It hurts. It stinks. No matter how I try to shake off the pain. We step forward. Trusting, ... View Post
Seeing The Wonder
I walk onto the field. It's the first home game. The first time I have walked onto this field since Elijah played. My friend is with me. She who has walked with me and supported me. Surprisingly, a sense of peace washes over me. I was blessed. So blessed by my son. I loved watching his team play. I think back to the day Caleb brought those sticks to the house. I didn't even know what the sport was. The kids loved it. Lacrosse became their game. I smile remembering. I look ... View Post
When Each Step Taken, Is On Solid Ground
Easter. A day of great joy. Also my birthday. Another new path forged. Days I didn't want to walk through. Yet the beat of time relentless in its march. (Easter 2013) (Easter 2013) Then, the realization that your first born is residing in Glory on this Resurrection day. Oh the joy he experiences on a continual basis. We, a people, just trying to understand with limited minds. I made it through most of the service with out crying. It's the first service since Elijah met Jesus and Gary was diagnosed with cancer, that I haven't dissolved into a weeping ... View Post
He Did What He Had To Do. . .For Us
It's not about the candy or the Bunny. It's not about the Eggs, the baskets or the Ham dinner. But it is. And One less basket leaves me weak. There are so many little things that add up to shattered dreams and a broken way. And I wonder. What was it like in Heaven when Jesus returned? God had sent his son that star lit night long, long ago. Sent the babe to Bethlehem. The Incarnate. Isaiah 7:14 Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel. The Savior of the ... View Post
The Let Down From Our Desire vs Reality
I walk by his room. I lean into the doorway. It's a habit now. I breathe in deep. I softly call his name. I just want to hear it. I long for him to be bustling around late for something. He was always late. Couldn't find what he needed. So much like me. So many days it's the same endless feelings. Desire vs. Reality. Skinny vs Plus size. Clean house vs Messy. The desire to have studied more; the reality of failing. On and on it goes. We can run scenario after scenario of situations where ... View Post
