It's Sunday. A day of rest. Meant as a gift. Not a punishment. Time to reflect. Remember what has been done. Step back and renew. A break in the ordinary. Today is also a day our church votes on a new pastor. A time of change. A new beginning. Exciting time to see where God will lead. ~30 Days of Thankfulness~ I am thankful for: Dinner out with my family memories of other dinners when Elijah was still here saying Elijah's name over and over a day of rest being involved in the life of the ... View Post
The Deep Down Work of Gratitude Day #3 of Thankfulness
It is a song played during communion. I recognize it right away. The memory swept out from the dark corner. I close my eyes and I am there. Listening to the praise video the kids listened to. Praying for their little souls. My heart constricts with the memories. The music continues on. "I lay all of my burdens down at your feet." Oh how I miss my son. "And anytime, I don't know, what to do. I will Cast all my cares Upon You." Years of praying for my children. A desire to see them grow. Bend their knee to the One who gave us life. I squeeze my eyes shut. To the ... View Post
How To Have an Authentic Thanksgiving When Your Life Has Been Turned Upside Down. . .Day #26 of Thankfulness
I will cook my Turkey this Thanksgiving without my mother, without my son, without the cutest white fur ball at my feet, hoping I will drop something; and without asking my dad for advice. I might call him just for tradition sake. But the memory thief stormed his doors awhile ago. How do you continue to be Thankful when the pain runs deep and the ache so strong. Elijah will never come home. No matter how I stare at the bed and picture him playing on his ipad. . .No matter how much I try to make him there. He's not. And never will be again. Oh, God, how this hurts. I want to make it all go ... View Post
Just Because. . .Day #24 of Thankfulness
I want to tell you something. Come closer. Good. Look deep into their eyes; memorize the color, every hue that changes with their mood, the lines on their face, the tilt of their grin. The beauty mark on the lip, that caused shaving casualties. . .Memorize the full eyebrows singed many times by the fire. Bathe them in prayer. Run your hand through their thick red hair, or over their nicely shaven one in preparation for boot camp. Hold their hand and run your fingers over the growing, over the stretched skin, now rough from mans' work. . . just because. Remember. Don't ever forget. Listen ... View Post
30 days of Thankfulness
The Halloween festivities are over. The candy hidden away from other siblings. Clarissa is still out. I climb the stairs to kiss the girls goodnight. I linger at his door. I look around. How does it come to this? How can I be left to carry on? Oh how I miss him. My child, my son. I gaze at his airsoft guns. The clothes still not put away. His motorcycle jacket and helmet. The ache remains embedded in my heart. I think of all the mom's whose children have gone before them. I can hardly pray. It is more a groan.I turn and walk down the hall to ... View Post
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