It's the beginning of March. And it's cold. The bone chilling, deep freeze of February hasn't lost it's grip. The farmer is so cold. He can't seem to get warm. These are just some of the changes that cancer will make. Sometimes the whole picture is just so overwhelming I can't even look. The strength to move forward waning Today I was reminded of the beauty of relationship and the power of woman being together. The beauty of grace and corporate prayer. I was reminded of sweet children and little laughs and big ... View Post
Chin Up, Shoulders Straight. . .Advice From My Dad
Chin up Shoulders straight Fly right My father's advice through the years. There were many other colorful pieces of advice he would share that I won't mention here. But these. These have stayed with me. I don't know where he got this. His father died when he was 12. So I am not thinking it was fatherly wisdom. My dad is a man of few words. (not always appropriate either, insert wink) Now he is a man who has the memory thief as a constant companion. But he spoke these words to me often enough that they have stuck. This morning ... View Post
These Words, To Live By
Because He Lives. . I can hear her singing now. I can face tomorrow, Because He lives, All fear is gone. I know the words by heart. She often sang it as cancer's clutches tightened their grip. Because I know who holds the future, And life is worth the living Just because He lives. My mom loved music. She loved all kinds of music. I grew up listening to albums of the Beach Boys, Rhapsody in Blue, The Kingston Trio and even the Smothers Brothers. There was always music coming from that stereo in the ... View Post
It’s Not for The Faint Of Heart. . .Or Those Who Like Steady
We are running out of feed. Again. Honestly, I can't wait for this winter to be over; yet I wonder what this coming year will hold. We are heading into our dry time. We are micro-managing every penny spent and what needs to be bought. We want to turn everything around. We are so tired of struggling. Really. Everything is a struggle. Nothing seems fun. It's not supposed to be like this. When did the fun stop? When did we begin this downward spiral? I don't think it has as much to do with finances than it does ... View Post
The Joy Thief
The day dawns and the clutches of the joy thief grasp tighter. Basic decision making becomes a monumental task. The world pales and darkness threatens to consume. Severe flooding, long hours, financial instability, the death of your son and cancer chase you to the brink. But even in that you do not fall. You call it by it's name. Out loud. Depression. The joy thief. A real and frightening path. Many lose their way walking through the darkness of depression. But you name the demon. And you call the doctor. You will climb the ... View Post
Bringing Order Out Of Chaos
He rings the bell. The bell rung to celebrate the end of chemo. I try to take a video. My hands shake. We are done with chemo. Unexpectedly. We thought we had one more week. They had miscalculated. Last week was the last treatment. The toxic cocktails have ceased. We are on to the next steps. Life after cancer, and life without our son. I fight back the tears that threaten to spill. They let me ring the bell. I ring it loud. I ring if for my mom, for my husband; for my son that I so desperately miss. I ring it for ... View Post
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