I didn't know her well. Only through birthday parties, drop off or pick ups during custody exchanges. I only knew her through visiting at the grocery store or the Thrift shop. I knew her smile and her love for Chelsea and her infatuation with Christiana; the mini Chelsea. I knew her caring nature in recognizing Elijah's desire to enter the military and the beautiful card and gift she sent for his graduation. One I had to take care of after he had been called home. I know of her intent to hold my hand when my son was called home so suddenly. She too, no stranger to the loss of a child. ... View Post
The Name Above All Names
Elijah. I just want to say his name. I want to holler through the house; it's time for dinner, or get down here and pick up your things. I want to say his name and hear his voice. I want to buy him a Christmas present and fill his stocking. My soul wishes for this not to be. The deep searing pain resurfacing. The loss permeating all that I do. Oh, how I miss him. Oh, how everything in me resonates that this is wrong. How can the God of the universe, that called all into being, have this be my path? It has been a year since mom died. A ... View Post
There is Great Grace, And There is Still Beauty
My kids found these teenagers a few years ago on youtube. They love listening to their harmonies. As a child my family would sing this hymn,gathered around the piano, with my Grandmother or Uncle playing the piano like there was no tomorrow. Oh how they would sing and harmonize. My cousins family sings like that. It's a beautiful thing. Those are years of memories forever etched into my being. This song became near and dear to us as mom began her journey with cancer; as she stepped ever heavenward. Oh how she would sing this ... View Post
With Whom do I Wrestle?
My heart is wounded. I am tired. This path is wrought with grief and pain. The only way out is through. One needs to wrestle through the memories. Through the future that will never be; snatched away. I've been robbed. Robbed of graduation from Marine Corps Boot Camp, robbed of the future of our son. And it hurts. I can't change it. No matter the longing, it will never be. Yet my wounded heart is held in the palm of the hand of the One who created us. And as I wrestle each day with the reality of never ... View Post
When You Think The Journey Can’t Get Any Harder
I am thankful for the time. I sit in the doctors office. I am writing very over due thank you notes while I wait for my farmer. He is having a simple procedure to remove a cyst from his face. I notice the waiting room start to fill. This doesn't seem like a place that runs behind. I glance at my watch and am shocked to see how much time has passed. I can feel it in the pit of my stomach. Something is wrong. The nurse comes out and ushers me back to the room. My farmer is sitting with his back to me. The doctor shares the news. He could not remove the mass because it is not a ... View Post
The Beat of the Heart
Today is my parents Anniversary. It would have been their 47th. Last year we celebrated their 46th in the hospital at Brigham and Woman's. The doctors brought them a cake. . . honoring their years together as mom's life slipped slowly from her. . .I have said before, my parents relationship was NOT perfect. They fought, said hurtful things, threatened to break that vow they had once cherished. Yet, they stuck it out. They persevered. And it became beautiful. This year mom celebrates in Heaven. . .that perfect Bride of Christ. . . It was interesting to watch as dad's memory ... View Post
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