He's cleaning out. . . his room. My farmer. Spending time in his son's room. Picking through the pieces of a life. A life interrupted. Abruptly. I am left numb. Head gear for Wrestling. His uniform. Still here. A procrastinator; like me. Things we need to return. Dry Erase markers for his white board. His attempt to get organized. His belt. I finger the holes. One by one. I don't want this to be my walk. The burning creeps toward my heart. It feels like it is too much to ... View Post
What They Don’t Tell You When You Say, “I Do”
What they don't tell you when you say, "I do." In case you're wondering? Life isn't always a bed of roses after you're married. With in a year we had experienced the loss of our first child. We received much love and support. Grace. Words of encouragement and strength to journey on. There was much hard work and little time for anything else. We made it work. And then it happened. Finances. 6 kids. Sleep deprivation. Body changes. Job changes. All take their toll. Date nights; gone by the ... View Post
A re-posting of: What You Are Unprepared For
These are words I typed out in the dark of the night this day last year. A heart longing for direction in the midst of grief. A heart that still longs to hear the voice of God. A heart still longing for the pieces to be placed back in the fragile shattered heart. September 10, 2013 What You Are Unprepared For What do you do with the book you find; given to Elijah from Nana on the event of Clarissa's birth? For a moment your heart skips. . .and you are brought back to that day. You can hear the sounds. You can hear your moms voice. You can see your sons excitement ... View Post
Do You Ever Cry Happy/Sad Tears?
Dwelling In Beulah Land Let the stormy breezes blow, their cry cannot alarm me; I am safely sheltered here, protected by God's hand: Here the sun is always shining, here there's naught can harm me, I am safe forever In Beulah Land. The strains of the third verse echo in this beautiful church. The words wash over me. He is safely sheltered here. . . protected by God's hand. The sun is always shining. . . naught can harm him. He's dwelling in Beulah Land. Elijah is safe from harm. My boy; naught ... View Post
As Time Passes
It's been weeks since I've gone into his room. A hiatus from the reminders. Dust collects as time passes. Things undisturbed. Much the same way since the night he was called home. His room still smells like him. I close my eyes to remember. I miss him so. How does a life continue when your child, your hope and future are torn from you? How do the steps move with the ebb and flow when there is a deep chasm in your aching soul. Elijah was God's child. He was never mine to keep. Children are a gift from the ... View Post
Be Anxious For Nothing
Be anxious for nothing. Only when I have prayed hard? No need to be anxious. When I have saved enough money in my retirement? No need to be anxious. When I have anticipated every problem and am assured that I have done every thing to thwart an issue. Then I do not need to be anxious. When do we not be anxious? What about the time when you haven't prayed? That item left off the list. When something isn't planned all the way through. Is that the time to be anxious? Be anxious for nothing. My son walks out the door. He kisses me. He says he ... View Post
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