The transformation overnight All blanketed in white. A wintry landscape. The barrenness and dark covered in a sea of fluffy delight. There is still wood to gather. Lawn furniture to put away. Many things on the list to accomplish. For today; just rest in the work already finished. Work done thousands of years ago. On a cross. For me, for you. A soul washing. The barrenness turned white as snow. A reflection of grace. Deep down peace. I breath deep the crisp air. My eyes feast on the beauty. I drink in the solemness; the hush just before dawn. The ... View Post
Are you Having A Hard Time Expecting Anything Good? Yeah, Me Too Day #13 of Thankfulness
We spend the day at the hospital. Faces familiar now. Routines established. We wait. Somehow, I have become numb to this process. I tried not to think about it. . . at all. I didn't pray. Honestly. I couldn't. I didn't want my hopes to be dashed. Yet. I didn't step into fear either. I am not sure which is better? The cliff of the ache is just out of reach and I don't want to be on the edge anymore. The burn that has been my constant friend has lightened in my heart. So, when test day came, I chose silence. I ... View Post
No Amount Of Scrubbing Will Change What Has Happened Day #12 of Thankfulness
The sun shone through the windows casting rainbows everywhere. Two little girls that were visiting, valiantly tried to catch them. Such a beautiful day. That sun, streaming through the windows though, showed the dirt and grime. A reminder of all I have neglected through months of cancer and grief. I stifled the self pity and pulled out the paper towels. I washed with a vengeance. I wiped away dirt and spider webs. No matter how hard I try. I can not wipe away my circumstances. They are here to stay. Embracing the journey is the only ... View Post
When You Feel Defeated Before The Day Even Begins Day # 11 of Thankfulness
I wake to a raging headache. CT scans, phone calls, all swim in my head. It's later than what I want. I feel defeated before I am even out of bed. I need to make breakfast, but I can hardly see. I want to just re-post yesterdays things I was thankful for, because today, I really don't want to be thankful for anything. I just want to go back to bed. Did you see it? Can you hear it? It's all about "I". The way to destruction is to fill your sentences with "I". What "I" need, what "I" want. Each time it will lead you to the ... View Post
They Will Never Be Forgotten Day #10 of Thankfulness
They willingly go. Something about the call. A camaraderie. A duty. Our Veteran's. Bound by a creed. Actions speaking louder than words. Old and young. Single or married. It matters not when the call arises. They, are our Veteran's. Our son. His desire. To be a Marine. He longed to serve. Test scores high; College material. Not for him. His heart; enlistment. He was not yet 18. I wrestled and struggled, not my will but thine. I respected the call, I signed for my son to ... View Post
What Does Trust Look Like When You Have Lost So Much? Day #9 of Thankfulness
He, the farmer junior, has gone to a banquet with a friend and her family. She, the farmers daughter, is at work. Each time they leave, I hold my breath. Will they return? I become paralyzed, sometimes, when I don't hear from them. When I don't know what time they will be in. I sit and I wait. My heart weighs heavy. My thoughts run to accidents and death; police and funerals. It is work to grieve. It is work to trust. Because in that trusting it doesn't mean your wishes and desires will be heard. Praying for protection for ... View Post
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