At times being Thankful is so hard. With all the grief and heartache, all the things that keep going wrong, it's hard to find the breath to be thankful. Inside burns; my whole world seems so fractured. Yet, I want to be thankful. I want to live the life God intended. I Thessolonians 5:18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. It is a decision to be Thankful. It is a lifetime spent seeking for that in which to be grateful; even in adversity. Even when your world comes crashing down, and for a moment ... View Post
Oh, How He Loves Us. . . Day # 22 of Thankfulness
How can you be gone? I look at your picture, I want to see you so badly. I want to turn back time, change anything I can. I yearn for this to not be. I long to hear you call me mom. I walk into your room. I just stand there looking around. I remember your crib and then your big boy bed. I remember when Cedric needed to share the room and how angry you were. I think back to the time Caleb gave you your first Lacrosse stick. I want to hear how things are and chat. You're my first born. My boy, my Lijy. It's just so not fair. My heart just can't take it ... View Post
Why Is Alternative Medicine So Frowned Upon? . . . Day #21 of Thankfulness
Alternative Medicine. What do we know about it? Why is it so poo poo'd in the Medical Community? If there are advances made with less invasive practices, why are we not applauding and supporting these wonderful insights? Why did my insurance coverage tell me that I could not give my son the prescribed medicine from the doctor; they would not cover it, it had to be a different medicine. The medicine made him dizzy and feel weird. This doesn't make sense. My doctor, who knows my son, knows what he needs, is not able to make the decisions of best care for my child. . .the ... View Post
Pushing Through The Gloom. . . Day #20 of Thankfulness
The gloomy feeling wouldn't leave. No matter how I tried. It had set up residence in my heart. Even though the scans are clear, even though we're dealing with a localized cancer; I couldn't shake the gloom.I praised God for the things I had, I read the Word. I spent some quiet time with God. But to no avail. The darkness was here to stay. In moments like this, it takes all one has to push through. To plod one foot in front of the other. The ache in my heart for that which I can not have, radiation, chemo, trips to Burlington, mounting chores, bills; the list goes on and on. The ... View Post
When The Wind Blows And The House Shakes. . . Day #19 of Thankfulness
Some nights I think the wind will blow this old farmhouse right to the ground. With every gust the shutters rattle; windows shiver. There are stress lines in rooms without wallpaper that show the give and take. The history this home has seen. Love, worn deep into the banister from hands through the years. Grooves in the wood floor, from the farmers path every morning and evening, over decades. Love worn right through the couches and most everything in this home. The door to this home, wide open, for generations. And the night of the wake for our son, ... View Post
Where Do You Go On A Rainy Day?. . . Day # 18 of Thankfulness
The afternoon had been full of visitors. Gary's cousin, sharing alternative cancer treatments. A friend leaving for Antarctica. Dinner delivered to the door. Others stop too, to visit with the farmer. Bags still to be unpacked. I am tired. We sit for dinner and I sit in a different seat. I try to understand this new normal. For some reason, within my soul, rises a desire to scream. I want to holler that this isn't fair. I want my boy back. I don't want my husband to have cancer. I don't want to think about radiation and chemo ... View Post
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