His stocking is empty. The stocking I made to match with Cedric's. A stocking I have filled for 17 precious years. Stockings that were 4 and then became 8 and this year would have been 9. But after 17 years. It is empty. It hangs limp, while all the others burst from the seams; awaiting their precious owners. But it's not about the stockings, or the tree. It's not about the presents; but His presence. And as I stepped outside this morning, the heavens declared their Majesty. The moon and the stars in all their bright, ... View Post
I Have A Son, Who Is Rejoicing With The King of Kings
Facebook posts declare it. Pictures show it. Families reunited. Students returning home from college for the holidays. Church is full of those boys and girls; home. It is Lessons and Carols, a beautiful service, celebrating the birth and coming Savior. There is excitement and hugs. Joy. I am numb. I sit and literally focus on breathing in and out. The hollowness overpowering. My boy is not coming home. While I am grateful for those happy, sweet reunions. I can't experience that. And I so long to. My boy ... View Post
The Farmer’s Wife I Called Mother In Law
I can still feel the peace when I entered her home. The country charm. The warmth. The smells. The open door. Oh, how I loved and admired her. She could bring a calf to the barn as easy as whipping up a tasty meal. There was always room on her lap for one more. Room at the table for another to sit. Always time for coffee. There was always a solution to every problem. Life was a journey with God as her companion. Her creative touch transforming gardens and rooms into things of beauty. The light left ... View Post
When Your Heart Is Breaking, Can You Still Sing, “Gloria In Excelsis Deo”?
4 years. 4 roses. 2 of those anniversaries were celebrated with romance and promises; dreams and a future. 2 of them have been celebrated with her bringing the roses; to the cold hard earth. No reciprocation. No warmth. Silence. Heart breaking, heart wrenching quiet. The dreams and hopes never to be. A life, a love; silenced. And we are learning how to live without. We're learning how to step a foot in front of the other without a part of who we are. Our family looks different. The family ... View Post
He Held All These Moments First
There are no Christmas decorations. Actually there is no one home. I do not have my key, because it is still on the key chain that I can hardly bear to look at. So different from the years gone by. There are leaves all over the driveway and yard. More signs of change. Dad always kept his yard free of leaves and such. It's almost too much to bear. The heaviness and magnitude of all that is gone weighs me down. Each step towards the door; agonizing. I notice everything out of place. I see what's been moved. New pictures on ... View Post
She Loved God, She Loved Purple; She Was Our Mom
She loved purple. She loved God. She and my dad fought most of their married life. Good old knock down drag out fights. Yet loved fiercely. They stayed true to the institution of marriage. Maybe that was the secret. Things weren't left undone. For better, or worse. Her home was immaculate. She and my dad built their dream log cabin in the woods. They had plans to travel. God had other plans. She would travel; but mostly only as far as Boston and to the inside of a hospital. Cancer would be her companion for 9 ... View Post
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