3 Roses. 3 years. . .not quite. I see them silhouetted against the white back drop. How does an 18 year old journey without her future? All she held dear; wrapped in a red headed boy that stole her heart; now lies deep beneath the earth. Buried with her hopes and dreams. Her memories her only solace. In time, she will move on. She will continue to live; and all this, some day, will be a shadow of who she once was. It will be part of her story. Of what makes her who she is. This young girl has become so dear to my ... View Post
How The Doors To This Farm House Were Flung Open Wide And Grace Walked In
The doors to this farmhouse were flung open wide yesterday. I hadn't done any planning or baking, or even sent invitations. I had gone to the grave. My Aunt had purchased wreaths from the girls. The shipping to Florida was more than the wreath. So she wanted me give them to someone that might be in need of cheering up this Season. I had decided early on to put one of the wreaths at Elijah's grave. I leaned into the pain. I breathed in deep the fresh air and wrote in the snow; Miss You. Because with every fiber of my being, I do. I head back home. I ... View Post
Remembering Sandy Hook
To touch your face. To hear your voice I listen for sounds on the stair that only you made. I lie in bed and run through the night you died over and over; I sent you a text, I woke at 11 and noticed you still weren't home. . . in those moments you were alive. Those moments threaten to haunt me. I struggle to know the answers. I struggle to find purpose. . .how do you live life without your son? What do you do with the memories? Where do you go when the hurt threatens to engulf? Today is the anniversary of the Sandy Hook shootings. Don't we all remember exactly ... View Post
A Pause In The Rush May Change Your Whole Tune
We have friends. Really. We do. They have retired well. Donna and Harold have been faithful friends through the years. First Gary, and then they inherited me. Harold and Gary played music together, while Donna and I forged a friendship. It was Donna and Harold that we asked to be Elijah's God parents. Donna felt uncomfortable and not spiritual enough. I told her she would get that way. Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests ... View Post
Fighting Discouragement With A Well Worn Path
Discouragement. Do you ever struggle? It creeps in uninvited. It is different than depression. In some ways worse. It is the tool the enemy uses when he can find no other way. Our Cedric has descended into the pit of discouragement. It is painful to watch. In his world nothing is going right. And he's right. So much is, oh so wrong. So many changes for one so young. As adults we are struggling; how in the face of youth do you take on these monumental burdens? Cedric has a desire to work this farm; it runs deep through his ... View Post
The Only Light That Matters
We put up mom and dad's tree. Do I not say "mom's" anymore? This is so mom's home. Every inch of it. We all feel it. Without her here, it's not the same. We decorate the tree. The kids come to help. Funny how here, they willingly participate, while at home it's a battle. We finish with the angel; a little crooked. We need a ladder; but it's time to quit for the night. Everyone leaves and I put the kids to bed. I stand in front of the tree. The lights twinkling, illuminating the darkness. I remember years gone by. When I was young, our tree was always so beautiful. It was a delight for ... View Post
