Most days I do not want to be thankful for anything. I want to step into the pit that says woe is me and stay there. I want to let the pain over take me. Each day is work. Work to surrender. It is a conscious effort to step toward the holy each day. I wake. I remember. I hand it all over. It is the way of the morning; before my feet touch the ground. (even before coffee-some things need to be done without coffee) All my thoughts, all my desires surrendered. . . an emptying. Even before I get out of bed. Each ... View Post
Are you Having A Hard Time Expecting Anything Good? Yeah, Me Too Day #13 of Thankfulness
We spend the day at the hospital. Faces familiar now. Routines established. We wait. Somehow, I have become numb to this process. I tried not to think about it. . . at all. I didn't pray. Honestly. I couldn't. I didn't want my hopes to be dashed. Yet. I didn't step into fear either. I am not sure which is better? The cliff of the ache is just out of reach and I don't want to be on the edge anymore. The burn that has been my constant friend has lightened in my heart. So, when test day came, I chose silence. I ... View Post
Some Days I Find It Hard To Be Thankful Day # 8 of Thankfulness
Do you find it difficult to be Thankful some days? The effort it takes to clear away the negativity; overpowering. Your mind fills with the, "what you've losts" and the, "what's wrong's". It feels trite to dig for Thankfulness. Sarcasm fills the soul. It's an easy place to step. A pity party. Soon we are covered in a nice cocoon of "woe is me." We are entitled, right? The rain and dreariness outside has come to reside on the inside. But, take a closer look at the soul. The place where most refuse to travel. Pain and heartache stuffed for ... View Post
Do You Stop Long Enough To Be Thankful? Day #6 of Thankfulness
~30 Days of Thankfulness~ I am thankful for: This farm. I never tire of the view. Ever. I am thankful for Clarissa; this farm girl who has an eye for beauty. I am thankful for the ways in which God meets each one of us. How he reaches down and holds us when we can't take another step. May we lift our eyes up off ourselves and place them on the One who can hold the burdens, as well as send the rich, deep joy. Psalm 121:1-3 I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the Lord, which ... View Post
Are Those Waters Really Uncharted? Day #5 of Thankfulness
There are days when everything is hard. Getting out of bed. Focusing. The weight of this world. The "what ifs" of the day. Looming. When all the woes seem to circle round. The crisp clarity is marred. And you wonder,"What is this all for?" Meaning clamors for attention. It can rise and become the driven thought. Pushing aside any beauty. It is loud and demanding. A churning and unsettled place to be. We hope for answers. A solid plan wanted. That 5 year plan. Yet, in a moment 5 year plans ... View Post
The Deep Down Work of Gratitude Day #3 of Thankfulness
It is a song played during communion. I recognize it right away. The memory swept out from the dark corner. I close my eyes and I am there. Listening to the praise video the kids listened to. Praying for their little souls. My heart constricts with the memories. The music continues on. "I lay all of my burdens down at your feet." Oh how I miss my son. "And anytime, I don't know, what to do. I will Cast all my cares Upon You." Years of praying for my children. A desire to see them grow. Bend their knee to the One who gave us life. I squeeze my eyes shut. To the ... View Post
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