I begin to clean my room. The room I have occupied since my wedding night. The room I have not cleaned since before the accident. Piles of stuff. Dirt. The smell of dog pee. I know it's in there somewhere. Yes. It's gross. And that's what I have been living in. I can barely begin to clean. I can't stay focused on anything. I try. I have help sometimes. A friend who is quiet and gentle comes to be by my side. We clean or organize and then it seeps in again. I hate living like ... View Post
In an Impulsive, Immediate Gratification Seeking Culture. . . I Will Wait
God closed a door. And I didn't like it. He'd already slammed the door in other ways in our lives. This felt like it was just the last straw. I vacillated between anger and trying to trust. Leaning on what I know. . . not on what I feel. Those are hard things. This world throws things into our pathway. At each turn; we choose. We can step into grace. Seeking wisdom in the walk. Trusting in a plan held by a Divine Creator. Or we can let this world drag us down. Bitterness and anger seep in. I started ... View Post
An Empty Bed
He didn't come home that night. His bed was empty. Last night she didn't come home. Her bed was empty. It's been 25 months since I have seen that red headed boy of mine. 2 years and 1 month. And how my heart still aches. Somehow times marches on. In some ways I am stuck. And will always be. On July, 28, 2013. A piece of my heart that remains, there. She, on the other hand. Has flown the nest. Spreading her wings. We moved her into her dorm room. So much ahead of ... View Post
Conquer The Clutter
We clean up that farm boys room; because it is a mess. Really. All the rooms are a mess. Clothes, papers. Clutter. Everywhere. My cluttered home has seeped into my soul. The clutter of grief and loss. Daily consuming. I fold a shirt. It belongs to the son who has left this earth. I can feel the ache. It has threatened to spill over all day. The loss. Another in the community has lost too. Another accident. One so young with 3 children. And I just can't bear the ... View Post
When You Spend Time Alone; You Realize How Never Alone You Really Are.
Alone. Yet never alone. Even in the darkest moments. Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. I am not alone. Richard Blackaby continues his talk. He speaks of Elijah. I want to weep at the mention of his name. But it is the Elijah of the bible, of whom he speaks. The Elijah who is called to speak to Kings and Prophets; and then is asked to hide in a ravine. To be fed by ... View Post
Alone
Alone. That's how I find myself this week. Plans to spend time with the youngest. Changed. And now. Alone. At first. I do not know how to react. Alone. In a room. A clean room. 2 beds. Meals prepared. Solid biblical preaching. All alone. My own schedule. Clean towels everyday. Coffee. Everywhere. In the room. In the lobby. In the dining hall. Alone. I don't do alone. I find someone to accompany me to the store. I fight off the panic that ... View Post
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