Oh how we miss him. We all chafe under the memory. Each trying to sort through the grief and pain. As Gary gains strength and the visits to the hospital decrease we wrestle with our roles. Who are we? Where do we fit in this family. Elijah was larger than life. His personality demanding attention. He was loved. He was respected. He was our boy. The weight of the loss crushing. The life without him seems pale. Yet we are commanded to move forward. To step toward the work still left here for us to do. Yet those roles are smudged and we all feel it. I am glad ... View Post
It’s Not for The Faint Of Heart. . .Or Those Who Like Steady
We are running out of feed. Again. Honestly, I can't wait for this winter to be over; yet I wonder what this coming year will hold. We are heading into our dry time. We are micro-managing every penny spent and what needs to be bought. We want to turn everything around. We are so tired of struggling. Really. Everything is a struggle. Nothing seems fun. It's not supposed to be like this. When did the fun stop? When did we begin this downward spiral? I don't think it has as much to do with finances than it does ... View Post
When I Don’t Measure Up. . . I Need To Remember What I Wrote Earlier In The Week
I fall short. I don't measure up. I head down a road of self destruction. It is so easy to do. The dishes aren't done. The floors need to be mopped. The phone rings and there are bills to pay. The laundry is backed up again. . .the kids need help. (I didn't say they were helping. . .they need help) The house is so cluttered. One of the hydraulic hoses on the case blew. There's a flat tire on the Swinger. The Valtra is at the shop. My farmer worries me. I miss my son. My heart hurts. I am worn. It all clambers for my attention. Every ... View Post
Hush; Be Still
Hush Be still Wait And see New life Springs from the old There is hope there is joy It waits Hush Be still Wait And see The Lord He is able He is mighty Hush Be still I am not quiet. I walk heavy. My husband reminds me; often. He though scares me out of my skin; Repeatedly. Quiet, not my companion. I am reminded throughout the day to hush and be still. The day is chaotic. Visitors amidst my planned cleaning event. Interrupted in the sweetest of ways. A reminder that my Agenda is not the Lords. No matter how I try to plan. He will ... View Post
I almost missed it. . .Day #25 of Thankfulness
I almost missed it. I almost walked away without seeing. Something caught my eye; something made me look again. Someone had written love with leaves. I would have missed it, because I was so focused on the grief. Because sometimes it takes all I have to breathe in, and out. I would have missed it if I had gone a day later. The bitter wind and snow falling. I would have missed it, if I hadn't have taken another look. I am reminded of how much we are all in this together. Love. The love of a son, brother, cousin, friend, nephew, ... View Post
Great is Thy Faithfulness, Even when Trusting is Hard
Great is Thy Faithfulness. Psalm 46:10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” We are to be still. Even when our hearts are breaking. Even when Saturday nights leave me undone. Re-living each moment. Not wanting the other kids to be out. I am stepping into fear. And forgetting to trust. 139:13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. He knows us. He created us. I ... View Post
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