Alone. That's how I find myself this week. Plans to spend time with the youngest. Changed. And now. Alone. At first. I do not know how to react. Alone. In a room. A clean room. 2 beds. Meals prepared. Solid biblical preaching. All alone. My own schedule. Clean towels everyday. Coffee. Everywhere. In the room. In the lobby. In the dining hall. Alone. I don't do alone. I find someone to accompany me to the store. I fight off the panic that ... View Post
When You Become Older Than Your Brother
Today. She is 18. The age her brother never saw. The age we were anticipating. She, now older than him. We knew this would happen. He will remain. . . Young Forever. She,will forge on ahead. A life full of hopes and dreams. She will cling to her rock. Her Savior. Trusting for each day. At Summer Bible Camp she gave a testimony. Brief. Yet a reminder that Jesus reigns. That her life belongs to another. Her pain and sadness is known by a Holy and Loving ... View Post
A re- working of All In The Same Moment
We had been in Maine. We came home. It was so quiet. No white tornado puppy to great us. I had been thinking about our home going and what it would be like. How quickly my son would experience that journey. Each step of every day draws me closer to the anniversary of the day. We attended a Birthday for a sweet family friend. We sang Happy Birthday and she opened her presents. On the TV ran photos of my children when they were little. Pictures of Elijah. His blue eyes ... View Post
Just Because. . .
Just because; The sun has been shining for a few days. And it's warm. Just because. . . I am still in awe of the beauty of this place. And it still takes my breath away. Just because. . . . I can. . . Post tons of pictures. Because I love pictures. (though my beautiful niece took this one) Just because. . . These pictures remind me of God's faithfulness. And that sometimes. . . I just need to Praise God. . . In everything. . . Even when it is hard. Even when the hurt is deep. Just because. . . ... View Post
That 10 Year Old Firecracker
Firecracker. That was Nana's nickname for her. She came into this world in a flurry of emergency. A whirlwind. And has remained that to this day. Our baby is double digits. The last baby I carried; held within my womb. A surprise. A gift. But they all were. I was always surprised with the news of "the child within". Awestruck at the beauty and holiness. And now the youngest of these is 10. This wee one that gave me quite a scare 2 weeks ago. Who caused me to fall to my knees ... View Post
The Icy Fear That Can Grip So Suddenly
Will this ever be easy? Will waiting for the children to come home ever feel safe again? I hold my breath. I feel tense. My spirit unsettled. Waiting. For the axe to drop. Anticipating the negative. Icy cold fear. It creeps in. Slowly. While you're not aware. It is there. Gripping. Choking. The dawn will come and it will be 23 months since my boy walked the face of this earth. 23 months since I have felt normal, It has been 23 months of putting one foot in front of the ... View Post
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