I sit on his bed. It's been 20 weeks since God called Elijah's name. I breathe in, hoping for a change in circumstances. Hoping to catch a scent. But there's nothing. He is not here and what remains is fading. It's been 20 weeks since I have seen his face or touched the child I bore down to bring life. Longer than he would have been gone to boot camp; and it's only the beginning of the "longer thans". Each time the girls remember something about him. I ask them to tell me more. Describe to me in detail what they saw or were feeling. I don't ... View Post
What Cancer Cannot Do and What God Has Already Done; The Angels Brought Tidings Of Great Joy
He had just sat down to rest. Lately this rarely happens. There are so many fires to put out that resting has not been a luxury. After two days of radiation and one day of chemo, my farmer was sitting down. Cedric brings in a package. There are always parts and supplies being delivered. Yet, this was from our long time friends Donna and Harold. Elijah's God parents. Donna had sent a note early on when Gary was diagnosed and found he needed chemo and radiation. She thought he might like a quilt. A quilt to wrap in ... View Post
Sometimes We Just Need A Time Out
I have only been home for about an hour and I can start to feel it. The counters are a mess. There is laundry everywhere. Food needs to be put away; the dish drainer emptied. The kids have left their backpacks on the bench and violins and costumes for the upcoming performance. I have been at the hospital all day and coming home to a mess and uncooperative kids is. . .well, it's just normal. They are kids. They've been in school all day and then came home; and they are on vacation and the last thing they are thinking about are the messes. And that's good. They should ... View Post
What A Diner, Radiation and Errands Can Do For Your Marriage
We arrive early. Yes, we were early. Gary assured the attendant at the desk that this would never happen again. We choose our seats. It is still quiet in this place. We gaze around the room. We are surprised to see a fully decorated Christmas Tree AND a table full of goodies. Crackers and cheese. Various Christmas delicacies. This is our welcome to Day #1 of radiation. They call Gary. He has a plate of food. They ask him if he wants them to come and get him later. He pauses. I assure them that we want him to go. . . now. He ... View Post
3 Roses, 3 Years. . .Not Quite
3 Roses. 3 years. . .not quite. I see them silhouetted against the white back drop. How does an 18 year old journey without her future? All she held dear; wrapped in a red headed boy that stole her heart; now lies deep beneath the earth. Buried with her hopes and dreams. Her memories her only solace. In time, she will move on. She will continue to live; and all this, some day, will be a shadow of who she once was. It will be part of her story. Of what makes her who she is. This young girl has become so dear to my ... View Post
Remembering Well, Because We Can Never Forget
Her hands were strong; weathered through the years from dishes, raising 5 children and many others who needed shelter in her home. A home that was sprinkled with grace and joy. A home where all who entered became family. She could refinish a piece of furniture or transform a room into a space that invited all who entered. She saw beauty in everything. She could turn a run down house into a cozy home; a bare piece of earth into a vibrant feast for the eyes. The ground yielded to her touch, releasing ... View Post
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