What are you waiting for?
The question seems to hover.
Ideas and thoughts run through my head.
Yet, somehow, I am paralyzed to move forward.
Excuses.
Walls.
Fear.
And I wonder,
What am I waiting for?
I have learned how fragile life is.
I know deep loss and unbearable ache.
I know time is short.
But how do you make the best of it?
Do you search for the unknown and take all kinds of risks?
Or do you slowly, safely make your way through?
What are you waiting for?
The question haunts me.
Am I motivated by fear or faith?
I have never been a risk taker and I don’t like to go first.
I prefer to watch and get my bearings.
Solid, level ground.
That’s where I prefer to be.
Games with rules and days with structure.
Yet.
I never liked to color, because I was boxed in and constrained.
While all my friends colored gorgeous pictures, I pressed too hard and broke those coveted crayons.
I could never seem to do the shading and outlining they did.
Coloring stressed me out.
I wonder if someone can relate?
Anyone else play it safe?
What am I waiting for?
I have dreams and ideas that I can’t seem to fully formulate.
They seem untouchable and too “farfetched.”
Is this because they are risky?
Am I afraid of failure?
What am I waiting for?
We are often instructed to wait because
good things come to those that wait.
Isaiah 40:31
But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with
wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
But, what is it I am waiting for?
A sign?
Permission?
Or is it more like who am I waiting for?
When we put the question of our future, decision making, prayer requests in the who and not the what,
we begin to see the purpose of the waiting.
As we wait, we work.
Working towards the plan and future the One who calls us by name has ordained.
In our surrender to Him, he guides and nurtures our heart.
As I wrestle with the future and struggle to see the way forward I lean into the promises and truth we have been called to.
We serve a God who is longing to hold our heart in his hand.
A God who waits for us to call to Him.
As I trust in Jesus and allow him to part the waters, I am strengthened.
The way forward loses the intensity of the decision making and becomes more about the decision maker.
When I trust that He is guiding the way, that way become clearer and sweeter.
So, the answer to the question, of What am I waiting for, is answered by the question,
Who are you waiting for?
