Do you ever wonder how you’ll make it through?
Really.
Financially every thing is a mess.
It’s upside down and you can’t make sense of it.
You’ve lost a loved one and the pain is intense.
You wonder how you’ll make it through?
You wake up and the sun is shining and you wonder how can that sun shine on a day like today?
We’ve been there.
More than once.
Time after time wondering how this can be?
How can the world still be spinning?
We walk into the hospital laughing, holding hands.
Almost 6 years.
Daily for 13 weeks.
Then once a month.
Then every 3 months. . . until now.
He says it as if he’s ordering a pizza.
“You’re scans are clear.”
Just like that.
And we leave.
We don’t bring the file to the “make a next appointment” booth.
We walk out.
We’re done.
It feels strange.
There’s still chores to finish and the kids are on vacation.
We actually need to go pick them up.
It all feels so normal.
But here we are.
There’s no more cancer.
And our doctor is retiring.
How’s that for an end of career success?
I’d say pretty awesome.
But I don’t feel the joy.
There is no mountain top, ecstatic feeling
. I am grateful and so relieved.
Maybe it’s just the way it is.
There’s been so much bad news that when it’s good I’m not surprised.
I’m just so grateful.
Quiet.
In the depth of my soul.
I’m learning to walk in gratitude more and more.
I notice things each day.
Colors, sounds.
They seem in technicolor.
So when the world seems spinning out of control, I step off.
I step into the Ancient Word.
I step on to solid, unshakable, unmoving ground.
There I remain.
Because the storms will rage, the good news might not come, but sheltered in the arms of the Savior, He will fight for me.
He will fight for you.
Spring is slow in coming this year.
The cold and dark linger.
Yet there is still beauty even in the hard.
Even in the ache.
Gratitude does that.
The shift is off of self.
It causes us to look outward.
To look up to the One Worthy of the thanks.
I don’t know what is around the bend.
But for now I will take the gift of no more cancer.
I will give thanks to God for His gift.
Through it all I will step into praise.
