Expect the Unexpected.
That moment when air seems to be lacking.
Breathing is a chore.
Hot, molten tears press hard.
I try to reach out.
I cry out to God.
How did we get here?
I try to focus on a breath.
My chest heavy with grief, too much going on.
I don’t know how to sort it all out.
Sometimes there seems to be no right answer.
My heart is weighed down with the things of this earth.
We can let life just pile on the pressure if we’re not careful.
Deadlines, kids, marriage, bills, haying, chores, heat; it all adds up.
These days have been busy.
Lack of rain poses feed issues on the farm, a neighbor needs help, another friend just lost their beloved spouse.
I feel like things are just spinning.
The house grows still.
I grab a cup of coffee and head outside for a few moments.
I quiet my soul.
That deep part.
Do you know what I mean?
That deepest part that can spin and spew and feel inadequate, sad and defeated.
It is also the place that can feel deep joy and contentment.
That is where I want to be.
God can take the unexpected and use it for His Glory.
He can make that unexpected beautiful.
We just need to expect the unexpected.
I read of Saul’ unwillingness to wait.
2 times Samuel specifically asks him to wait.
2 times Saul is not content to wait.
He pushes his own agenda forward.
How many times have I done that this year, this month, this week, this day?
It is in the surrendering of our will that God reaches in and smooths out that chaos.
He draws us to himself.
His peace transforms.
His strength refreshes.
I’m stepping into that peace.
I’m handing over the grief, the remembering and the ache.
It’s been 5 years since our boy walked this earth.
5 years of a journey that I did not ask for or like.
But 5 year of God’s amazing grace.
Things have not been perfect or glorious.
There’s been more loss, destruction of our barns-so much.
Yet, never once has God left our side.
Continually he shows himself in ways I never would have expected.
Expect the Unexpected.
I can’t do this journey on my own.
I do not have the strength.
This is beyond me, out of my ability.
Expect the unexpected.
This is where God show his majesty.
There is hope and an Anchor.
We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.
It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain,
This is where He brings beauty from the ashes.
I still don’t like this journey.
But I am ready and eager to expect the unexpected, because I know He is doing the unexpected.
See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.