It's the beginning of March. And it's cold. The bone chilling, deep freeze of February hasn't lost it's grip. The farmer is so cold. He can't seem to get warm. These are just some of the changes that cancer will make. Sometimes the whole picture is just so overwhelming I can't even look. The strength to move forward waning Today I was reminded of the beauty of relationship and the power of woman being together. The beauty of grace and corporate prayer. I was reminded of sweet children and little laughs and big ... View Post
A 6 month Walk No One Wants To Take
I stand still in the kitchen. I have cried out to God most of the day. I am tired of cancer. I am tired of missing my son. My soul is unsettled and I long for peace. So I stand. In the kitchen that I hardly use any more. Meals continue to come. I have little to offer. My soul weary from the battle. So I stand. It is quiet. I breathe deep. I sense the presence of God. The peace that passes all understanding surrounds me. For a moment the cancer is gone, the sting of death is appeased. I stand for a moment ... View Post
How To Make More TIme In A Day
I look into those beautiful blue eyes. His sons inherited them. One still growing, the other, his eyes closed for all of eternity. I turn away. Tears threaten to spill over. I hate to see him like this. It breaks my heart. I have no control. The outcome unknown. The toxic cocktails supposedl, targeting the cancer that threatens to consume his life. Yet the journey there, leaving him tired, and weak. Stepping each moment in faith and hope. Grace met us once again as one of the nurses prays with us. We are strengthened and encouraged. These glimpses ... View Post
I Long For The Days Before The Accident, Before Cancer
Sometimes I want to be anywhere, but here. I long for the days. . .before the accident. . . Times before death and cancer became constant companions. When life, though difficult at times, was full. The journey deep with joy and gratitude for these children and the journey we were on. That life gone now. Because we will never be the same. Ever. I can never wake up again without feeling that something is missing. Some days the missing is so hard. It threatens to overwhelm. I close my eyes. I picture Elijah, I long to see him and ... View Post
Oh, How He Loves Us. . . Day # 22 of Thankfulness
How can you be gone? I look at your picture, I want to see you so badly. I want to turn back time, change anything I can. I yearn for this to not be. I long to hear you call me mom. I walk into your room. I just stand there looking around. I remember your crib and then your big boy bed. I remember when Cedric needed to share the room and how angry you were. I think back to the time Caleb gave you your first Lacrosse stick. I want to hear how things are and chat. You're my first born. My boy, my Lijy. It's just so not fair. My heart just can't take it ... View Post
