They ask if we can go out to lunch. I am not ready for that yet. They come to the house. These Teachers are not ones I have taught with. They are the teachers of my children. Relationships forged through years of conferences, class shows and a love of children. They come today to spend some time with this grieving mom. One brings pictures. They make my heart sing. The memories of time gone by They share of their adventures post teaching. It is good to spend time together. A friend of Elijah's sends a note. I am encouraged. I drive by the telephone pole, it ... View Post
Making Soup, Grief and Faithful God
I strive for normalcy. I cook the ground beef. I make soup. My farmer loves soup, and I don't make it enough. The smells permeate the air. The warmth eleveates the chill. Soup will be good today. I walk down cellar to put away some groceries. Out of the corner of my eye, I see his barn coat. I linger there. The familiar companion of grief awakes. I swallow hard. I reach in the pockets hoping to find something. Something to connect me to him. So many mornings in that coat. I groan, how can this be? I am so powerless to change it. Everything so final. Never again. Oh how I ... View Post
Farm Living Without Your Oldest Son
The night Elijah went home to be with the LORD. His bed remained empty. . . and for 10 weeks now that hasn't changed. 10 weeks of leaning against the door frame, breathing in his scent, wondering how this can be. . . How can my son really be gone? 10 weeks of hoping to wake from this nightmare. It was his morning to help with chores. Gary did them alone. There was no power, so he had to hook up the generator. . .by himself. But, that was the only day. For weeks now, friends and family have risen in the early hours to ... View Post
Young Forever
Close to 400 hearts will hold your family close tonight, will stand and applaud the poise of your beautiful daughters and will be present to remember your wonderful son. 30 children will stand behind their friends to show them how much they care. Though your heart is breaking, you are never alone. We love you! Thank you for the privilege you have given us. This is the note I received from one of the directors' prior to last evenings performance. These young people and the directors of the Vermont Youth Dancers decided in September, on Elijah's birthday, that they wanted to do ... View Post
Where Do You Put Your Trust?
The day is dreary. Not like the others this past week. It is hard to get motivated to do anything. My mind wanders and sadness fills my heart. I can't escape the longing that tears me apart. I am running out of recent pictures of my boy to post. This pierces my heart. The finality of all this. I still can't believe he is gone. I can't stay in these emotions. They are temporal and shifty. My hope is in the LORD; and that is where I will put my trust. That is where my focus will stay. I will not give way ... View Post
Maybe We Will Survive
The reality of our son not being here for the rest of our lives, is weighing heavy on my heart. The missing is overpowering at times. It takes my breath away. I feel as if my heart will break. And really, it has; into a million pieces. . . The pieces are being replaced day by day. Prayer by prayer. But it will never be the same. Deuteronomy 7:9 Know therefore that the LORD your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, to a thousand generations, The equipment on ... View Post
