His stocking is empty. The stocking I made to match with our farm boy. A stocking I have filled for 17 precious years. Stockings that were 4 and then became 8 and this year would have been 9. But after 17 years. It is empty. It hangs limp, while all the others burst from the seams; awaiting their precious owners. But it's not about the stockings, or the tree. It's not about the presents; but His presence. And as I stepped outside this morning, the heavens declared their Majesty. The moon and the stars in all their bright, glory rang out the song that, Jesus is ... View Post
Are You Overwhelmed By All The Christmas To Do’s? Why Don’t You Lay It All Down. . .Just For A Moment?
I sit on his bed. It's been 20 weeks since God called Elijah's name. I breathe in, hoping for a change in circumstances. Hoping to catch a scent. But there's nothing. He is not here and what remains is fading. It's been 20 weeks since I have seen his face or touched the child I bore down to bring life. Longer than he would have been gone to boot camp; and it's only the beginning of the "longer thans". Each time the girls remember something about him. I ask them to tell me more. Describe to me in detail what they saw or were feeling. I don't ... View Post
When Life Isn’t Fair
It's not fair they shout! I'm making them clean up their school books. But I have interrupted their game playing. And they shout at me. Yes, those cute little girls. They shout; it's NOT fair. And I think back to Elijah's funeral and Glenn's proclamation that it isn't fair. Oh how right he was. It's not fair. There is nothing about this journey that's fair. There's nothing fair about my mom having cancer for 9 years and dying at 69. Or the memory thief storming dad's doors in his 50's and setting up permanant camp at 71. It isn't fair that our land flooded and ... View Post
How To Find Peace In The Advent Season When Your Heart Is Breaking
What joy, what peace Has come to us What hope what help what love The day begins with a visit from a stranger; now friend. A shared bond of sons torn from us; so young. Our friendship solidified when my unsolicited membership to the world of grief began. Her visit helps in the steps to move forward in this journey. I hesitate to say heal. This gaping wound may fill in; but the scars will remain, changing our appearance for all time. We talk about hard things. We listen. She, further down the road on this journey. Still a mama with her flesh and bones ... View Post
How A Car Ride Can Turn Into A Fiasco, In Less Than A Minute
So, we ventured out to do our Annual visit Santa trek. Each year we head to the mall, we have dinner out, (this is a big deal for us) and do a little shopping. I am usually frustrated. There are crowds and lots of people; did I mention crowds? We eat dinner together as a family, which is wonderful but also so expensive. I spend much time thinking how I can save by cooking at home and what that money could have gone too. Even though I have set money aside each week, all year, to do this. The shopping is crazy because there are 7 of us and this ... View Post
A Pause In The Rush May Change Your Whole Tune
We have friends. Really. We do. They have retired well. Donna and Harold have been faithful friends through the years. First Gary, and then they inherited me. Harold and Gary played music together, while Donna and I forged a friendship. It was Donna and Harold that we asked to be Elijah's God parents. Donna felt uncomfortable and not spiritual enough. I told her she would get that way. Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests ... View Post
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