The girls leave and strangely, I find myself alone. This does not happen very often. I expect to feel overwhelmed and sad. Yet surprisingly I feel fine. This might be due to the fact that we have a financial appointment in 2 hours and I have not gathered any of the information required. So, I begin the sprint to find obscure pieces of paper that I know I have seen in the past few months. . .but not quite sure where. I soon realize that I have lost much over the past few months but not my ability to be easily distracted. I head to the timer. I usually set it ... View Post
A Walk Through The Years
They ask if we can go out to lunch. I am not ready for that yet. They come to the house. These Teachers are not ones I have taught with. They are the teachers of my children. Relationships forged through years of conferences, class shows and a love of children. They come today to spend some time with this grieving mom. One brings pictures. They make my heart sing. The memories of time gone by They share of their adventures post teaching. It is good to spend time together. A friend of Elijah's sends a note. I am encouraged. I drive by the telephone pole, it ... View Post
Making Soup, Grief and Faithful God
I strive for normalcy. I cook the ground beef. I make soup. My farmer loves soup, and I don't make it enough. The smells permeate the air. The warmth eleveates the chill. Soup will be good today. I walk down cellar to put away some groceries. Out of the corner of my eye, I see his barn coat. I linger there. The familiar companion of grief awakes. I swallow hard. I reach in the pockets hoping to find something. Something to connect me to him. So many mornings in that coat. I groan, how can this be? I am so powerless to change it. Everything so final. Never again. Oh how I ... View Post
What Does Straight Forward Mean Anyway?
He calls me on my cell. I have just arrived at the allergist for Christiana's appointment. I have cancer he says. I don't feel a thing. Ok. I say. It is rare. Only 30 people in the world have been diagnosed. The first case was in Czechoslovakia. The doctor said I've been talked about all over the world. It should be straight forward. In my mind I think, straight forward? This was supposed to be a cyst. How straight forward is cancer? Pslam 139:13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me ... View Post
When You Think The Journey Can’t Get Any Harder
I am thankful for the time. I sit in the doctors office. I am writing very over due thank you notes while I wait for my farmer. He is having a simple procedure to remove a cyst from his face. I notice the waiting room start to fill. This doesn't seem like a place that runs behind. I glance at my watch and am shocked to see how much time has passed. I can feel it in the pit of my stomach. Something is wrong. The nurse comes out and ushers me back to the room. My farmer is sitting with his back to me. The doctor shares the news. He could not remove the mass because it is not a ... View Post
The Beat of the Heart
Today is my parents Anniversary. It would have been their 47th. Last year we celebrated their 46th in the hospital at Brigham and Woman's. The doctors brought them a cake. . . honoring their years together as mom's life slipped slowly from her. . .I have said before, my parents relationship was NOT perfect. They fought, said hurtful things, threatened to break that vow they had once cherished. Yet, they stuck it out. They persevered. And it became beautiful. This year mom celebrates in Heaven. . .that perfect Bride of Christ. . . It was interesting to watch as dad's memory ... View Post
