The missing rises up to meet me. I drive past the site. The forever slams my soul hard. I try to work through the pain. Shaking my head, I continue to drive. My heart cries out to God. I beg for him to lift the hurt. I want to hear Elijah's voice and cook him a meal. I am tired of his bed being empty. Never to return. I'm tired of hurting and aching; of longing. I say his name over and over. Elijah, Elijah, Elijah. There is something soothing about saying his name. We chose his name. A prayer. A nudging from ... View Post
He Called Me “Tink”
He called me "Tink". Not one to show emotions or say endearing words. Later it was thunder thighs. His way of showing; teasing; by doing. A new deck. Remodel a room. My go between in a volatile relationship with mom. Each week a different city for his job, he clocked many miles on his car. But he made it for my concerts. Showing up to surprise me. Fishing trips. Last minute Christmas shopping for mom. Drinks and hot dog night at the Yacht Club Planning moms surprise 40th birthday party. Talking on the boat as we listened to ... View Post
The Child Who Has Taught Me All About Timing, Is 15 Today
I wake with a start. The pressure strange. I struggle to my feet. The waters of life stir. It's time. I call the hospital. I call my mother in law. My farmer wakes as the alarm rings. His normal waking hour. I let him know it's time. This child already in tune with the milking schedule. With 3 sleeping children in the house, we head toward life. It is quick. We barely make it to the hospital before the final pushes. Fast and furious. He arrives. A surprise. We always ... View Post
Turning Monday Around
I start complaining before I open my eyes. The birds are so loud. My shoulder hurts. It's burning. I need Advil. I need coffee. I need the Ancient Word. But that means I have to get up. I am so bone weary tired. I need coffee; (I think I have already mentioned that) which I didn't prepare like I usually do. Because I was so tired. I just want to sleep in; have no agenda for the day. No cows, calves to feed, milking, haying, laundry, book work, rides, school, schedules. I roll over. I usually wake ... View Post
Fanning The Flame
I couldn't keep the flame going. I wanted to light a candle. I found a match. I lit it from the gas stove. The flame would not stay lit. I had to cradle it. Protect the flame until the candle was lit. We are the light of the world. A city on a hill. Matthew 5:14 You are the light of the world-- like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden We need to protect our flame. It is so easily extinguished. Keep the flame burning. The winds of the times blow and the flame flickers until it is gone. The flame is a fragile ... View Post
I’ve Never Tried To Be A Good Parent. . . Until Now
I want to be the best parent I can. I don't think this has ever occurred to me. Not that I wanted to be a poor parent. I just did what needed to be done. I didn't think about it. When the kids were little I taught. There wasn't much time for anything. I haven't really looked to others. Honestly. I didn't have that great of a relationship with my mom. Yes, it's true. God helped us to make it what it became. So, I just did the opposite of what she did. Yes, it's true too. Oh, there are some things that have been ... View Post
