4 and a Half Years

It’s been 4 and a half years since I’ve seen your handsome face.

I long to hear you call me mom.
Crystal shared a video of you today.
Just the sound of your voice brought me to my knees with missing. 
I think the ache will leave.
I believe it will fade away.
But.
It doesn’t.
It is still there.
The piercing, gut wrenching ache. 
But.
You know what.
I’m ok with the ache.
A companion.
It reminds me of the gift you were to me.
Our prayed for child after our deep loss of our first baby.
17 years of watching you grow and learn.
I had a gift; a treasure.
Death can not steal those memories. 
I still do not understand or like this path.

God is working His plan.
As my soul aches. God is doing something new.
As we miss and grieve, God is using that for good.
So, we will all keep on keeping on.
We’ll look for the good.
We’ll be light and life to those around us.
Hope.
We’ll walk with the companion of ache because it reminds of the good we had in you.

4 and half years seems like a life time.
Yet, it is nothing compared to all of eternity.
Miss you Lijy.

Gosh I miss you.

Your little sister attended her first Winter Ball last night.

I know there is purpose in this pain.
There is hope. 
Whether I see it here this side of heaven or not doesn’t matter.
I just know there is a purpose.
I will cling to the hope of Christ as long as I am here on this earth.
He will never let go.

I pray you will listen to the words of this song.
May they minister to you as they do to my heart.
May you cling to the hope that is found in a relationship with Christ.