13 years ago I sat in the wee hours of the morning. Bathed in the twinkling Christmas lights. Hope wrapped inside; heavy with child. Nights uncomfortable. Seeking solace in the quiet. Pondering. So different from my walk today. A Christmas child. Due at any moment. What did Mary feel as she carried the Hope of all Nations? What was it like that night when all hung in balance as the Incarnate became Flesh? Isaiah 9:6 For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the ... View Post
When Your Heart Is Breaking, Can You Still Sing, “Gloria In Excelsis Deo”?
4 years. 4 roses. 2 of those anniversaries were celebrated with romance and promises; dreams and a future. 2 of them have been celebrated with her bringing the roses; to the cold hard earth. No reciprocation. No warmth. Silence. Heart breaking, heart wrenching quiet. The dreams and hopes never to be. A life, a love; silenced. And we are learning how to live without. We're learning how to step a foot in front of the other without a part of who we are. Our family looks different. The family ... View Post
Grace That Visits Your Door, When Your Heart Is Breaking On Christmas Day
I don't want to say we made it through the day. But we did. How do you celebrate Christmas with your 17 year old son buried deep beneath the winter snow? How do you breathe in and out missing a part of you? How do you look at stockings and open presents; when your heart is shattered into a millions fragments. My boy is gone. And I miss him so much. But he has gone where Angels trod. The same Angels that proclaimed the birth of the Most High, The same Angels that declared that He is Risen. His work finished, here on this ... View Post
Are You Overwhelmed By All The Christmas To Do’s? Why Don’t You Lay It All Down. . .Just For A Moment?
I sit on his bed. It's been 20 weeks since God called Elijah's name. I breathe in, hoping for a change in circumstances. Hoping to catch a scent. But there's nothing. He is not here and what remains is fading. It's been 20 weeks since I have seen his face or touched the child I bore down to bring life. Longer than he would have been gone to boot camp; and it's only the beginning of the "longer thans". Each time the girls remember something about him. I ask them to tell me more. Describe to me in detail what they saw or were feeling. I don't ... View Post
What Cancer Cannot Do and What God Has Already Done; The Angels Brought Tidings Of Great Joy
He had just sat down to rest. Lately this rarely happens. There are so many fires to put out that resting has not been a luxury. After two days of radiation and one day of chemo, my farmer was sitting down. Cedric brings in a package. There are always parts and supplies being delivered. Yet, this was from our long time friends Donna and Harold. Elijah's God parents. Donna had sent a note early on when Gary was diagnosed and found he needed chemo and radiation. She thought he might like a quilt. A quilt to wrap in ... View Post
How A Car Ride Can Turn Into A Fiasco, In Less Than A Minute
So, we ventured out to do our Annual visit Santa trek. Each year we head to the mall, we have dinner out, (this is a big deal for us) and do a little shopping. I am usually frustrated. There are crowds and lots of people; did I mention crowds? We eat dinner together as a family, which is wonderful but also so expensive. I spend much time thinking how I can save by cooking at home and what that money could have gone too. Even though I have set money aside each week, all year, to do this. The shopping is crazy because there are 7 of us and this ... View Post
