He loves to be out doors. Always has. He'd cry when the farmer was heading out. We'd strategize how long he could stay outside. When his nap should be. Often it was taken with a grease rag pillow; somewhere in the tractor. Wanting to be with his father. Longing to be close to the earth. Now he races tracks on this land. He tills and toils and lifts and creates, Jumps and turns. It exhausts him. He pushes his muscles and expends the relentless energy. So committed. Yet, still so ... View Post
When The Day Begins
Will the overwhelming feeling ever leave? Each morning before I wake. It is there. I fight for each thought. It is those moments I surrender. I breathe deep. Fear not for I am with you. We will make it through this day together. My God and I. He will give me the strength. He will give me eyes to see beyond the pain. He alone will guide my steps. The ache and pain. I hand over to Him. He will bring good from this mess I see. He is the source for my hope and strength. He is the calm in ... View Post
A Broken Pot (Yes Very Cracked) But Not Beyond Repair
The thoughtless words come spewing out. I am angry. My anger is directed at no one in particular. The tender soul of the blue eyed girl receives the brunt. I feel out of sorts. And lashing out is my first reaction. Those words can not be taken back. No matter how deeply I ask for forgiveness. They came out. I Corinthians 13:4-6 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but ... View Post
A Walk He Chose To Take
We celebrated his life. This man who was larger than life. Who bent his knee to the Creator to be changed. Who took my broken heart into his hands and gently poured in grace. He taught me to receive. His life; love in action. His sons talked of his faith. His love for words. And I know he loved coffee. He would show up at my door with his mug. I loved that. He was a kindred spirit. As I sat in the back of the church I reflected on how almost 9 months ago I sat in the front row remembering my son. Celebrating his ... View Post
The Cost Of The Cross
Snow. In April. Poor man's fertilizer. The temperature has dropped 30 degrees. The water has traveled outside it's boundaries. Warm air has given way to a bitter wind. Reminding us that winter has not had it's final say. It is Holy Week. For some, this means nothing. For me. It is everything. The journey Jesus took to the cross is the defining piece of my faith. He came into Jerusalem Hailed as King and left Jerusalem via the cross. He took on the dirty and broken; so that we might live. He died to save a wretch like me; when He himself was sinless. And as we ... View Post
A Beautiful Place To Be
It washes over me like a wave. He's gone. I have to take the older kids to the doctor for their sports physicals. We're in the car. A familiar song comes on. They turn up the volume. We rock to the music and sing. My heart constricts. He loved this song. He loved music. We listened to so much music.He made music. And now; He's gone. My flesh and blood. The magnitude of the loss is crushing. How can we do this? How does the scheme of the family go? Who is first born? No one seems to know. My ... View Post
