so that your son will know what went on in the town during that time.
Your heart sinks; your hands shake; your legs give way.
You go cold.
It takes your breath away;
and you wonder for a moment how you’re going to breathe the next breath.
It holds that which I don’t want to read.
sandwiched in between a classmates father and an 81 year old.
Sometimes the missing is so bad. It feels like it will consume.
To reach out and touch him; to know how he is feeling; to hear his steps on the back porch.
To walk by his room and hear the deep, steady beat of his music.
All these I long for.
What do we stand for?
(yes, Elijah loved that song so much)
We get real because this is hard.
We get real because we don’t want to get stuck.
We get real because no matter how we want to slow time; it is ever marching forward.
God wants us to be real.
The stuffing of the emotions and the fake platitude; he doesn’t need.
Life is hard. It hurts. It can be overwhelming.
The difference is we stand on hope.
A day is coming; and it won’t be long. When every tear is wiped away.
When all will be made right.
The dead in Christ will rise.
We will stand before the Lord himself.
What a day that will be.
Until then, we rest.
Rest in the grace given for this day.
I will save this Annual Report marking his death.
Even though the remembering causes my heart to constrict and
I wonder if I will ever be whole again.
Will you step out in faith? Will you reach out and be real?
There is hope. There is peace. There is grace.
I have unanswered prayer,
I have trouble I wish wasn’t there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That you would take my pain away
I am trying to understand,
How to walk this weary land.