They put on the mask and clip it to the table. He lies there so still. I touch his leg and pray. Red beams emit from the wall as they align the marks. The radiation is very specific. I swallow as they get everything prepared. We leave the room and a door closes; almost like the bat cave wall. Thick; protecting us all. But what about him? We are able to see him on the monitor. And I choke back the sobs that threaten to come. How can this be? Why do parents have to watch their kids endure this? Why do I have endure this? I ... View Post
Instead Of Drinking My Coffee In Front Of The Fire, I Will Drink It At The Hospital
I don't want to leave. I want curl up by the fire with my coffee and read. I want to hold that sweet Lilah and listen to her coo. I want to bake or do anything than deal with cancer and living without our son. I pack the bag to have ready. Snacks, water. The bag a dear friends thought about to meet our needs. It will be a long day. Radiation and chemo. . .every Friday. The kids are coming. They will see the radiation and infusion areas. I prepare for their questions and the impending side effects. The nurses assure us, this will be the week. He is far enough in. I have ... View Post
Sometimes We Just Need A Time Out
I have only been home for about an hour and I can start to feel it. The counters are a mess. There is laundry everywhere. Food needs to be put away; the dish drainer emptied. The kids have left their backpacks on the bench and violins and costumes for the upcoming performance. I have been at the hospital all day and coming home to a mess and uncooperative kids is. . .well, it's just normal. They are kids. They've been in school all day and then came home; and they are on vacation and the last thing they are thinking about are the messes. And that's good. They should ... View Post
