I long to not cry in church. I yearn to be strong. Yet week after week I feel my resolve give way. We sing words. Ancient words. Words of Truth and Hope; Promise and life. While my spirit groans and aches. I sometimes close my eyes and tell myself, if I turn around he'll be there in the balcony. That red haired,crooked grin boy. Or if I try hard enough I will hear the beat of the drum. The Rhythm of the soul. Steady. Sometimes this world is just plain hard. It's not devoid of happiness and joy; it's just hard. This season of finding time to be ... View Post
Are You Able To Laugh At The Days To Come
Proverbs 31:25 Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. I want to laugh at the days to come. But I want to laugh at them with my boy. I long for strength and dignity. I want my world tipped back on it's right side. I long for depression to leave my farmer and the cancer to be gone. Do you have trouble? Aging parents in need of care? A job issue out of your control? A situation that you can't fix, or change; and it consumes you? You know you need to trust God; but it's so hard. It's your ... View Post
Thy Faithfulness
I glance out the window. It is a pink sunrise and even after almost 8 months my heart drops. The same color as the morning Elijah met Jesus. The morning I still can't reconcile with. The morning that my life changed forever. When time stood still. Yet the morning that caused me to say; His mercies are new every morning. It is what I entitled the picture. And they are. His Mercies are. . . new. . . every morning. Each and every one. Mercy that we don't deserve. Grace beyond measure. All new. . . each morning. Find it. ... View Post
De-Cluttering More Than Just My Home
I breathe in deep. I think I have found a way to try and be quiet. My house is a mess. Well, cluttered really. I have read every book and idea on de-cluttering (which now clutter my home); none of the strategies seem to work. It is just plain hard. My cousin sent me this link about a practice during Lent that she thought I might enjoy. The practice of giving up of a bag "of stuff" a day for 40 days. I thought this is something I could give up; gladly. But it's so stressful. I am going to follow up the chore with the quiet time; because this ... View Post
Chasing A Squirrel, While Trying To Be Quiet
I close my eyes. I let the quiet settle over me. The sun shines through the window. The warmth permeates the deep of the cold. It feels so good after below zero weather. I let it pour over me. My desire is to listen. To hear. To be quiet in God's presence. Why is it so hard to just be; to sit quietly before the Lord? I compromise. I will just praise Him for his goodness. No. I want to try to be silent. I start to run through my list. I want Him to speak to me. I want to hear His voice. Like the sheep who listen to their Master's voice. John 10:27 My ... View Post
Practicing Being Still
Oh how we miss him. We all chafe under the memory. Each trying to sort through the grief and pain. As Gary gains strength and the visits to the hospital decrease we wrestle with our roles. Who are we? Where do we fit in this family. Elijah was larger than life. His personality demanding attention. He was loved. He was respected. He was our boy. The weight of the loss crushing. The life without him seems pale. Yet we are commanded to move forward. To step toward the work still left here for us to do. Yet those roles are smudged and we all feel it. I am glad ... View Post
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