The words have not flowed.
I struggle to quiet myself long enough to write.
So much has been happening.
I delve into the Psalms and scripture longing to string thoughts together.
The pages remain blank.
There was a starkness in my heart as the Winter progressed.
The snow fell.
Temperatures fell well below zero.
Many days our boiler was out.
We didn’t have enough wood.
I was cold.
Our toilet stopped flushing and we have had to bucket flush for months.
Milk prices continued to fall.
The bank would not lend us any more money to finish the barn.
Months had passed since we had seen or heard from our Marine.
Each day I would go through the motions of cooking, cleaning and making a house a home.
But the deep places in my soul felt stagnant and cold.
Had we made a wrong decision about rebuilding the barn?
What is our purpose here?
Why. does. everything. have. to. be. so. hard?
I want to do God’s will.
I desire to do your will,
O my God, your law is within my heart.
I repeat these truths again and again.
I sought the Lord, and he answered me, he delivered me from all my fears.
He delivers me from these fears.
Not just some. . . but all.
I step into this truth.
Fears have mounted in these wintry cold months.
But God says he will meet me.
There I will meet you and speak to you (Moses) There also I will meet with the Israelites.
God chooses to come down to Moses; to the people.
Just as He sent His son to us. He longs to be with us. To guide us. We just need to trust. To seek Him.
Just before Thanksgiving a couple stopped in to see my farmer and I.
My farmer was not around.
You see this couple came to give us a donation toward the barn fund.
They came on one of those days that I couldn’t get warm.
They came on one of those days that the stress of all that had happened weighed too heavily.
As the relentless cold of winter clung, I sought solace in the presence of a Holy God.
The time came when my farmer and coffee buddy sat at the table and realized that the work on the barn needed to stop.
We had reached the end.
It was time to re think all that we are doing. . . again.
We would have to wait and trust for the next steps.
The funds were gone.
We would just have to settle for the pieces that were completed.
Our coffee buddy stood to leave.
A knock sounded at the door.
A couple walked in.
They handed us an envelope.
They said they wanted to contribute to our barn and that another check was on it’s way.
Just when we were ready to walk away, encouragement showed up at our door.
The tears fell.
We all stood quietly as we realized the impact this would have on our project.
God would provide 2 other folks to reach out and gift us with almost the exact amount of money we needed to finish a portion of the barn.
God is writing this story.
His ending is nothing like what I thought the story would look like.
I am learning that that is ok.
There is no doubt in my mind that this is the barn that God built.
When I get discouraged or start to panic because things are bumpy, all I need to do is look around and see the love that was poured out.
I don’t know what God has in store.
We still do not have the funds to totally complete the barn.
This winter has been long and brutal.
We are still feeling the effects of the lack of shelter for our animals.
The heifers are smaller than we would have hoped.
The pastures have taken a beating from the cows wintering outdoors.
There’s still so much to do.
Yet, knowing that God is fighting for us and providing in supernatural ways keeps the hope alive.
The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.”
It is not always easy to be still.
Yet here, on the Davis Farm, we are learning the deep lessons of trust and faith.
We are open to continue this journey.
We’re digging in.
Our eyes are focused heavenward.
My farmer is going to keep doing what he does best.
Lately this song has ministered to my heart.
With all that has gone on, fear continues to creep in.
We’re letting God write our story.
Let’s see what God will in this place.