Faces familiar now.
Somehow, I have become numb to this process.
I tried not to think about it. . . at all.
I didn’t pray.
I didn’t want my hopes to be dashed.
I didn’t step into fear either.
I am not sure which is better?
The cliff of the ache is just out of reach and I don’t want to be on the edge anymore.
The burn that has been my constant friend has lightened in my heart.
So, when test day came, I chose silence.
I didn’t want to feel.
I went through the motions and kept the focus of the task before me.
I don’t know how to live this life with out my son.
How to live with cancer just outside the door.
For in him we live and move and have our being.’
A community that has walked hand in hand with our family
reminders that God is in control – he is there
friends who continue to push through the joy even in the hard times
wood, that our home is warm
A beautiful porch that I step out onto each day, giving thanks for those who gave
kids who are trying so hard to learn to live in a new family setting
a step daughter who works hard, loves hard and is willing to play
a grand daughter who can light up any part of your day
stepping into gratitude
hospitals and routines
a smelly, stinky dog
a God who loves me and is patient with me as I learn to trust and love him
I don’t want to live without feeling.
I don’t want to be expecting bad news all the time.
Being “about business” all the time is safe; but I am missing out on much.
So for today, I am practicing the notion that God is good.
And that he is the giver of good things.
Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.
What ever may pass and what ever lies before me
* * *
Let me be singing when the evening comes
Bless The Lord