For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
I fight against the normal.
I long to shed this skin of this trial.
I long to be making plans to see him graduate from boot camp.
I yearn for that which I can not have.
I long to feel peace in life I once had.
Hopes and dreams.
But this rawness.
It leads me ever closer to God.
I want to be faithful.
But it is hard.
How do you resign yourself to a God, that allowed your son to die?
How do you praise and seek his will, when his will takes your son?
I want to scream.
It is NOT fair.
And it is hard.
Yet, He is a good God.
He is good because of who He is, not because of what He does.
This is NOT our home.
This is NOT where we belong.
And Elijah is home.
While I do not like it;
while my heart yearns for things to be different.
This is my path.
This IS the road God has chosen for me to walk.
And as I stay close to Him.
As I lean into His will, He reminds me to be:
Be strong and courageous.
Do not be afraid or terrified because of them,
for the Lord your God goes with you;
he will never leave you nor forsake you.”