Today I changed my clock. The incessant flashing, now a steady glow. It is the cry of my heart that our lives will reflect the steady glow of Christ. That memories of Elijah will flood our hearts.   You know what a mother fears. . . after her child is gone?  Is that his memory fades. How does the seed of love . . .the child that left you scarred. . .fade? These are things I think about. These are things that bring me to my knees grasping to hold on to our loving God. I blink back tears.   I still can't believe he is gone. I don't want him to just be a memory. He had so much to ... View Post

As I walk this path of grief I am learning new things. I struggle with the dichotomy of joy, that Elijah is with Jesus, and deep anguish because I miss him. But I am learning. If I really believe what I say I do, then there is no dichotomy.  Church was beautiful. Thomas and Christian, 2 of Elijah's friends, shared a medley, "Worn". The words to the first part were from , "Cry to Jesus." Oh how often I have cried out to Jesus;  pleaded with the Author of the Universe that this is NOT my path. . . Yet what am I crying?  Will I only take the good that He has to offer? That when ... View Post

A friend was just diagnosed with cancer. She has 2 teenage children. Uncertainty looms before them. Another friend moved away and is now in the battle of her life with cancer. Oh how I miss her. Our hearts ache and long for our redheaded boy. I watch my children cry; their hearts broken. Mine breaks a little more watching them. It's been 8 months since my mom died. How I long to share with her my deep ache. My dad is in need of intense care. My mind swirls with thoughts and my heart feels like. . . this is too much. Where do you go with deep grief; with questions that remain ... View Post

The rhythm of the routine continues. There is hay down and baling to be done.  Cows are up in milk and the management needs care and detail.  It's the detail that makes the difference.  It's what makes you stand out. Caring about the tiniest details brings you closer to your goal.  Details may mean success or ruin for us. Those details seem hard. But they are ingrained in the beat of the day, so it is good. Psalm 19:1 The heavens declare the glory of God;    the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Each day brings friends. ... View Post

The ride home was hard.  Songs came on the radio that made us all think of Elijah.  Ones mind wanders when you sit in a car for long hours.  I dreaded walking through the door.  I dreaded the laundry and all that needs to be done. I dreaded Gary heading to the barn, and not being with me all the time.  Cedric held my hand as we drove, sensing my pain, mixing with his own grief.  But God had other plans.  When we pulled into the driveway my roommate from college was there with her kids.  And 3 of my girlfriends were there with dinner all ... View Post