I knew this would be hard.  I didn't expect it to be easy.  It's the coming home. . .after a loss. Things have changed.  These were the words I wrote after we had lost our sweet puppy Pemberly.  Oh how hard that was;  and still is.  We are coming home again.  It's been good to be away. Many generous people have worked together to make this trip happen. Cards with money for gas. Dinner bill already taken care of in a gift certificate held at the bar.  Dedicated and tired hands doing chores to provide us a little respite. But the ... View Post

How does one heal when your son is  tragically and suddenly torn from this world. When he had just graduated High School and everyone is future oriented. When everyone is taking their babies to college and you won't see your's until Christ's return.  What does healing look like?  What does life look like when you have more questions than answers? When life continues all around you and you feel like shouting, This isn't right! IT'S TOO MUCH! This is part of what healing looks like.  and this And this too.  Luke 5:16 But Jesus ... View Post

I wander through the house. There is much to do.  I wipe down a counter, switch laundry. It all seems so trivial. . . My cousin said she wanted to be able to go back and just read about what I was having for breakfast. Oh, how I echo her words!  I have hardly cooked in 2 weeks. I have hardly eaten in 2 weeks. Yet the abundance of food in this place has been tremendous.   I wander.  Everywhere I turn there are reminders of Elijah. With every step on the sod of this farm, he is there. There are fence lines he set. Calves he has fed. Earth he has turned ... View Post

When I woke; it was strange. The air in the room was heavy. As my mind cleared I realized the air conditioning was off. . . and my clock was flashing. There was no power. I saw flickering lights outside. I was confused. I could hear someone knocking and calling if anyone was home. That was at 2:40 a.m., July 28, 2013. The night the LORD called our son home. The night my heart almost stopped beating. The night my life changed forever. It's been 2 weeks today. My clock is still flashing. I can't seem to change it. The incessant flashing somehow reassuring; that indeed something is not ... View Post

Are you ever still? Be still. How do you Worship? Worship in quietness. Choose to praise with a joyful song.  No matter how hard life is, or how hopeless it seems. . . Be Still and know that God is with you. . . Psalm 46:10 Be still and know I am God. Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you;  do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. There is nothing in me.  I have nothing to give.  I have nothing to offer.  I am nothing without ... View Post

I feel it in the pit of my stomach. It's time for them to go home. Back to North Carolina.  I have known all week the time had to come.  Elijah's God parents had stayed for a month earlier in the Spring; to see the girls dance performances and participate in all the  graduation activities for Elijah.  It was a glorious time.  Then they went home.  They had to come back.  This time for grief and heartache. And to celebrate Elijah's life. They have stayed almost 2 weeks. I do not want them to leave. But it is time for them to ... View Post