Because of the events of July 28. Acquaintances have become friends; a shared bond.  Not one that either of us would like to have. They know the searing loss of a child. They have walked the broken road. But they came.  They visited. They listened.  They shared. They brought flowers and macaroni and cheese.  And for a tiny moment in space I felt peace.  A shared bond will do that. There is common ground.  Though this ground is not  pleasant. This ground is hard and uncomfortable. There is no way to make it easier. And there is no way to spread ... View Post

I remember the first time I heard this song. I remember reading Mary Beth's book. I read it in the sunshine on a cruise with my mom and dad. My mom was living with all she had while cancer stole pieces of her, bit by bit. I remember crying and hurting for the Chapman's. Wondering how a God could let the unimaginable happen. Where was his protection on this sweet family. I remember praying for them and their sweet kids.  And that God would use them for His Glory. And I watched as the Chapman family grieved. I saw the beauty rise that can only come from the Grace of God.  And when ... View Post

I just want to shut it all out.  It's possible to just pretend He is at boot camp.  13 weeks of limited, to no contact. It's what was going to happen.  I wasn't going to be cooking him dinner this week.  His room would be empty.  If only. But life isn't built on if only's. My life, since I was a child, has been built on faith. My trust has been in the LORD. And I will not stumble.  Even when my world threatens to close in. I will press on.  We had to do some hard things today.  Taking care of business you might say.  I wanted to ... View Post

The ache starts at the back of my throat,  then travels to my stomach. My eyes fill with tears. They spill over. I can not stop them. How can you be gone. . . Each day a memory. Each day a reminder of what we have lost; what a mother feels when her child is taken from her. But I am not alone. Countless other mama's have had their children taken far too soon.  And we become strong.  Our lives are never the same.  I cry out to the God of the heavens. He hears my cry.  He knows my pain.  And while I long for my son to return to me. . . that is ... View Post

One hard day has been pressed through. . . We shed hot molten tears; unlike the ones we shed on the day he was born.  Such a contrast. It is twisted and hard to grasp. Friends joined us and we ate. A neighbor made a cake. We had Ben and Jerry's and Oreo's; just like we do every year. We sat out by the fire and sang Hymns and Praise songs. I treasured the moment. Mama's shouldn't have to bury their babies.  Mama's shouldn't have to have their lives turned inside out. . . Yet what guarantee is there in this life?  God never told us it would be perfect. He said ... View Post

Today would be my son's 18th birthday. How does one celebrate a milestone when their son resides with the King of Glory? I can't wrap my arms around this idea.  Today he would have left for boot camp. Crystal and many others leave today to start new chapters.  How do we move on? What does that look like? Dear Elijah, Today is your 18th birthday. We won't get to celebrate with you. We won't sing Happy Birthday. There are no presents. I won't make you an ice cream cake or a cheesecake that you loved so much.  Instead there is a gaping hole, and we are left behind. I still ... View Post