Pictures show it.
Families reunited.
Students returning home from college for the holidays.
Church is full of those boys and girls; home.
It is Lessons and Carols, a beautiful service,
celebrating the birth and coming Savior.
There is excitement and hugs.
Joy.
I am numb.
I sit and literally focus on breathing in and out.
The hollowness overpowering.
My boy is not coming home.
While I am grateful for those happy, sweet reunions.
I can’t experience that.
And I so long to.
My boy lies six feet under in the cold, hard packed earth.
I want to hear how he is doing and look into those baby blue eyes,
see that crooked grin.
I want a future.
Yet that is never to be,
And I feel robbed.
I continue to focus on breathing.
In and out.
My heart beating with the searing ache.
You see, the walk of grief is not an easy one.
It is always there, waiting to consume you.
There is a power in the world that would love to see us fail;
would love to see us crumble under the weight of all this pain.
So, the reaching is deep.
Deep to shake off the heaviness.
To remember:
Job 14:5
A person’s days are determined; you have decreed the number of his months
and have set limits he cannot exceed.
Our boy resides with the King of Glory.
The same King whom we wait for, this Advent Season.
The babe in a manger; come for all.
The Incarnate.
Immanuel.
God With Us.
You see, God set the world in motion.
He created us.
We are His.
Chosen.
Held by Him.
Even when the unthinkable happens.
The grace given for each moment is there.
Because this isn’t all there is.
The hope that awaits each believer is rich.
Our souls were created to serve our Savior.
To yield to the Master’s Touch.
Sin has marred so much of that relationship.
But it has not overcome.
No, indeed, Christ has overcome all so that we might live.
All of creation has been in rebellion since the Fall and the only anecdote is a Redeemer.
One who came as a babe.
One whose mother cried out in fear and stepped into a walk of faith.
A blessed woman.
Her voice rings sweet and clear in that church.
A young teen, who has walked a rough road.
A heart that has yielded to Him, who reigns on high.
Her song, based on the Magnificat.
My heart resonates with the words she sings.
Because, I am scared, nearly terrified.
I don’t know how to walk this road.
And the thoughts a life without Elijah terrify me.
A life without my farmer looms continually.
So, I settle in and listen to the wisdom of a young woman whose knee has bended.
Much like the young woman centuries ago.
Who said yes to the possibilities.
Words and Music by
Hannah Loggins
But, I am scared, I am nearly terrified, but your peace, it calms my heart
And I know that you’ll bring me through, that I can lean on you
Behold I’m a servant of the Lord let it be to me according to your Word
Lord, Let it be to me according to your Word.
Let it be no other way.
Because a walk through the pain with you, is better than any other way.
May these final days in Advent find you able to say Mary’s words.
Are we not blessed to walk a road, no matter how rough,
with a God who has gone before us?
I have a son who is rejoicing over the birth of the Savior.
His joy complete.
His walk finished.
My prayer for you is to know this holy peace, no matter the road traveled.
