She's been playing the cello for 3 years. She practices willingly. . . sometimes. This summer she didn't want to play. She said she was done with the cello. But she has music in her soul. She fought the entire process. I knew in my mommy's heart she will long to play someday. So we begin the fall lessons. She doesn't want to go. She is angry. We talk through trusting me on this one. That sometimes mommy's know things. She agree's to trust. This little 9 year old. Stepping in faith. A ... View Post
Even In The Searing Pain; We are Not Abandoned
I want to avoid his room. I haven't been in for a while. Sometimes the weight of the pain is crushing. I bring laundry up the stairs and turn away quickly. I pick up and work for a while. When it's time to go downstairs. I avoid looking. It's been a year. . . and a week. How can I do this long term? How can I survive this piercing pain? Some days it is so hard to function. I am distracted. Unsettled. Sad. Each moment needing to change my focus and reach for more. Seeking the beauty in the ... View Post
Delight In His Sabbath
Isaiah 41:10 Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. Words I cling to. Hope I claim. It is Sunday morning again. A morning for me that will always remain hard. The conflict of loss; the gift of the Sabbath. Yet isn't the gift of Sabbath because of death? One for all. So there might be life? Everlasting? He gave all so we could all have. The goal of Sabbath; rest. Leaning into Christ and the promise He gave with His ... View Post
These Words, To Live By
Because He Lives. . I can hear her singing now. I can face tomorrow, Because He lives, All fear is gone. I know the words by heart. She often sang it as cancer's clutches tightened their grip. Because I know who holds the future, And life is worth the living Just because He lives. My mom loved music. She loved all kinds of music. I grew up listening to albums of the Beach Boys, Rhapsody in Blue, The Kingston Trio and even the Smothers Brothers. There was always music coming from that stereo in the ... View Post
Oh, How He Loves Us. . . Day # 22 of Thankfulness
How can you be gone? I look at your picture, I want to see you so badly. I want to turn back time, change anything I can. I yearn for this to not be. I long to hear you call me mom. I walk into your room. I just stand there looking around. I remember your crib and then your big boy bed. I remember when Cedric needed to share the room and how angry you were. I think back to the time Caleb gave you your first Lacrosse stick. I want to hear how things are and chat. You're my first born. My boy, my Lijy. It's just so not fair. My heart just can't take it ... View Post
