Often we are stretched. Beyond what we feel we can handle. We breathe deep. We long for relief. Yet, these circumstances are here to help us grow. To change us. It's been 35 months of being stretched. There are many more months to go. The missing deep. The walk each day a choice. I am only responsible for the here and now. To live this moment in surrender. I will let the rest of the moments be dealt with in time. In the pew, on Sunday, the children sat between my farmer and I . 4 of ... View Post
When You Become the Same Age as Your Brother
He's turning 17. That farm boy. The same age as his brother. No longer here. The two so similar. Yet so different. My heart aches. The farm boy is full of ideas. So creative. Full of energy and youth. He loves deeply. Plays hard. Confident. Yet is haunted by the joy thief. He rises to fight. He digs deep to keep two feet planted. He's growing corn; trading vehicles. Making payments on a tractor. Building his future. Yet these things he holds lightly in view of ... View Post
Rays of Sunshine
The sun streams through the one window not covered by blankets. My farmer is finishing up chores. The farm boy has come in to play guitar and unwind before he heads to school. How that boy is changing. He is shaking off the ways of this world; letting of of the anger and hurt. Reaching for the holy and true. Slowly the sharp edges are becoming smooth. A bit of grace on the farm. The milk checks grow thinner. The transition date seems miles away. The cold settles in. Much to lead to the path of ... View Post
I Will Trust You, Part II, Even in the Desert
The Israelites were asked to trust. To trust God to take them out of a land. To bring them to a land flowing with milk and honey. The problem was. . . They needed to go through the desert first. The barren, harsh, desert. For forty years they wandered. Forty years they waited to see the land promised. For most of those who left Egypt, they never lived to see the Promise. Are you in a desert place? During these desert times, God is ever present. As the Israelite's traveled they were hemmed in by fire and ... View Post
When I Couldn’t See
My dearest Elijah, It is Sunday Morning. February 28th. It's been 31 months since you breathed your last. I sit here by the fire aching from within. Life continuing its ebb and flow all the while something so not right. It is the pain a parent walks with each moment after a child has been taken. No matter how strong my walk with God. No matter how much faith I have; the pain remains. You are gone. My life here altered forever. I think of the sunrise that Sunday morning. The incredible grace ... View Post
Until it Was Gone
Fear just up and left. I am not kidding. I have felt it living in my bones. Crippling me at times. Needing to grasp and hold on tightly. The moment one of the kids gets into the car. When they are gone for long periods of time. When they want to go to a friends. The constant need for a call; to be in touch. To hear their voice. Secretly wanting them all in the house. In their rooms. Going no where. It has paralyzed me. And I didn't even know it. Looking back, it began the ... View Post
