The world has stopped once again. The memory of the deep searing ache prevalent. And now my farmer's sister knows that ache. Another cousin now resides in Glory. The boy who used my tapered candles as num chucks as he danced from one end of the couch to the other while watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Perpetual Motion. Eyes sparkling with boundless energy. Curiosity oozing from every pore. Mischief; the ring leader of the pack of cousins. The first one to laugh. The first one to cry. The first ... View Post
Alone
Alone. That's how I find myself this week. Plans to spend time with the youngest. Changed. And now. Alone. At first. I do not know how to react. Alone. In a room. A clean room. 2 beds. Meals prepared. Solid biblical preaching. All alone. My own schedule. Clean towels everyday. Coffee. Everywhere. In the room. In the lobby. In the dining hall. Alone. I don't do alone. I find someone to accompany me to the store. I fight off the panic that ... View Post
When You Need to Search For Joy On Father’s Day
How can you miss someone when they are physically still here? How can your heart ache so deeply and long for what once was? The memory thief pulls and tugs until there is but a shell. A shell of the person that once was. The strength; staunch independence now shadowed. How cruel it seems to watch. How twisted the path. We are powerless to stop the movement. Helpless to change. Yet we are not without hope. Hope that one day all this torment will be gone. The day when sweet reunions are fulfilled. When pain ... View Post
Grief Is Work And It Takes Time
Some days the breathing is hard. As if I take a breath and all will spill over. The breath that will split the scar. The ache that lies just beneath the surface. Day after day. The missing. The longing. One more word. One more hug. A future. Where would he be right now? How is he feeling? I want to be numb. I don't want to feel the pain. It sears and burns. This thought line is in vain. It leaves an emptiness that can never be filled. These desires unfulfilled; this side of ... View Post
Dear Elijah
I must confess, in the mornings when I wake. . . you're the first thing I think about. Sometimes even before I give the day over to Lord; you're the first thing on my mind. Years of cultivating a habit of first thoughts to the Lord. . .now changed. Mostly the thoughts are combined. Stepping into Praise before my feet hit the floor. Grief. Wrapped in a package with a bow that threatens to choke out my faith. A journey each day that takes effort. Much effort. A struggle. How do I praise the Lord when my heart ... View Post
Lifting My Eyes Heavenward
He creeps in and tries to tell me lies. Lies that I am sad. That I will always be sad. Lies that bring me down. That enemy that would love to see us in despair. My heart sinks deeper and deeper. My energy sapped. It is in the middle of shredding carrots into the salad that I am struck. Struck by the awareness of the heaviness of grief. Another that I love dearly, is finishing her race here on this earth. The one that shares a birthday with my mom. A middle name spelled the same. A love of music and books. And ... View Post
